Newspaper& Internet/Engineering, Community project, Sports - How& Why NJIT?

How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?

I come from a country where communities get together and share their culture during various festivals and at various occasions. India is known for its culture and diversity. As an Indian student I understand the worth of living in a culturally diverse and rich environment.

New Jersey is widely known for the high population of Indians living in the city. I have read in newspapers and on the internet about various cultural festivals and traditions being celebrated at New Jersey. My curiosity "How must Indian festivals be celebrated in a foreign country?" has arose ever since.

I aspire to become an engineer, New Jersey Institute of Technology happens to be the best university for engineering in the city. I was encouraged to apply by a friend of my mother's who currently resides in New Jersey and has acquaintances studying at the university. It would seem like ------------- but NJIT fits exactly into what I want from my university.

The massive 45 acre campus size and the large student body provides with plenty of opportunities for socializing and get-togethers. It is not only the numbers but also the diversity of students NJIT accepts that provide an ideal atmosphere for somebody like me who loves new experiences. Understanding the traditions of people from different countries around the world adds to the excitement.

Interaction with other students is catered through the various community service projects and various honor societies and clubs. It would broaden my viewpoint about certain things and enhance my thinking abilities since I would have the exposure to others' ideas during the course of such projects.

Studying the sciences at high school I sometimes feel confused about the choice of my major. I feel the need for more exposure before being able to decide which stream of engineering I want to take up. NJIT's undeclared programme seems to comes to the rescue. It allows me the freedom of getting a taste of every type of stream and then narrowing down my options.

As an engineering student I would also need to have access to different resources at the time of my study. In addition I would have to work in well-equipped labs and classrooms. NJIT's fully wired huge residence halls and the Campus Center would not fall short of meeting my expectations at any case.

The various sports facilities : a gym that seats 1500!, a six lane pool and an indoor running track are just the thing for a fitness freak like me. I am not really a sportsperson but am keen on taking up atleast one sport at university to remain involved and active

After graduating from university I want to be completely prepared to face the rigours of working in a company. Besides the skills acquired at university I also want to be ready to apply them at work. This I can only get through a prior work experience, and NJIT provides exactly this! The co-op assignments such as project management ,product designing, production scheduling would gear me up. Moreover working and studying simultaneously would only help me understand my studies better. An internship or a co-op would also increase my chances of recruitment in the same company, so I don't even have to worry about recruitment.

Finally, it is my belief that the heart of university education lies in the synergetic relationship between the university and the student. I hope to be able to contribute to the university in some way or the other and look forward to studying at NJIT.

Please critique...help needed on the conclusion and the opening para! Harsh criticisms welcome

.... I wish you combine both these ideas together and present a more catchy opening sentence;
I come from a country where cultural diversity is at its heights.
Then you can move on to the next line easily because this can have easy reference to the next idea;


As an Indian student I have enough experience of living in diverse communities and I appreciate its vibrancy.

Thank you for the suggestions dumi

How is the essay overall? Is the rest of it fine?

You have facts and points, but I think you have more potential to improve its presentation. I feel that you want to tell them you love to be socialized and that's why you like NJ, which is culturally more diverse. If you improve the flow of ideas, this message would be delivered more effectively.


My suggestion;
I have read about New Jersey's vibrant culture, especially with a large proportion of people with Indian origin. I was surprised when I found out from newspapers and internet about how grandly some Indian festivals are celebrated in such a far away foreign land. This fact not only developed a strong liking towards New Jersey, but also a strong desire of experiencing such diversity.

Also, I suggest you to include this part into your first para. This idea goes well with the previous lines too :)



... of my mother

Your points are very clear. But I think you needn't to seperate your issues into too many para. Maybe it's my matter.

Thank you
Does it seem like I am just listing down all the points ?...is the flow of the essay fine?

Some kind of it. I feel you are generalizing the facts. So it maybe a little dry.Perhaps you can related something in your life.

I think the flow of the essay is okay.

AND help with my essay. I'm the same of you:), applying for the engineer.
Help with mine â‡' Wisconsin-Madison Why essay Engineering