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NJCU Essay


Francaruso 1 / -  
Feb 2, 2009   #1
A year ago, when I was a junior in high school, I decided to visit different colleges and universities. I had looked up some schools online and had made up my mind on where I wanted to go. But this year when I saw New Jersey City University, my mind was fully made up on where I wanted to spend my next four academic years.

The first thing that came to my mind when looking at NJCU was "I can see myself in New Jersey City University." I looked through the admissions process, pictures, and even student reviews. The campus was a huge transition from my high school, and it was completely beautiful. The environment of the school had attracted me, because from the pictures I had seen, it seemed that the the type of atmosphere was relaxed and focused. I felt like I could just sit under a tree, and study without any disturbance. From the reviews it seemed as if even though the campus has a lot of students, they all know each other very well and they are all friendly. The thing that fascinated me more was to see how diverse the students were. The students were mainly from New Jersey but of all different cultures such as, Asian, African American, Caucasian, and Hispanic. The fact that NJCU is culturally diverse made me want to attend this school even more, because I always wanted to meet people of all different cultures, and religions. The reviews also told me that the professors are friendly, and understandable, which added to my excitement.

It was suggested to me that I should talk to some people about the majors offered at NJCU. As I talked to a couple of students; I discovered the huge selection of majors that I can choose from if I attend NJCU. I also discovered that NJCU offers childhood education as a major which is perfect for me since I wanted to go into the field of education. On top of all of this, NJCU has dorms. Dorming is the one thing I really want to do, because it allows a person to gain responsibility in life and become independent. Though, if dorms were not available to me, I live close enough that I am capable of communicating.

It has been said that every year NJCU is building, and getting harder and harder to be accepted to. Considering all of these facts, I decided to apply to New Jersey City University and I feel that getting into this school can be the greatest experience I will ever attain in my life.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 2, 2009   #2
The main problem I can see with this essay is that it sounds unconvincing, more like you are writing about why you want to go to NJCU because you have to rather than because you are genuinely enthusiastic about it. This may actually be the case, but if you are applying to go to NJCU, you should at least make an effort to sound sincere in your application essays. Okay, so the university has a diverse student body living on a pretty campus. This describes over half of the universities in America, and probably virtually all of them that anyone would want to go to. What about the university makes it appeal to you, specifically? Do you have (or can you pretend to have) some reasons that are unique to you? Also, if you do some research on the university, what does it pride itself on, apart from the obvious things? Can you work the uni's main selling points (from its perspective) into your essay?

Also: Though, if dorms were not available to me, I live close enough that I am capable of commuting .
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 3, 2009   #3
decided to visit various colleges and...

...schools online and believed that had made up my mind...

Hey, is that degree program called Early Childhood Education, or just "Childhood Education?" Be sure to get it right when you mention it.

I like your description of the "relaxed and focused" environment.

As I talked to a couple of students; I discovered the huge selection of majors that I can choose from if I attend NJCU. Get rid of this, because you should have seen the list of programs long before that... like Sean said, be convincing.

How about a specific professor from whom you'd like to learn, or a specific resource provided by the school? Make some room for some evidence that you are serious about your specific field of interest, and why this school is good for getting you into it.

:)


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