I wrote a similar essay for common apps so I'm wondering if it fits this prompt. Any comments?
Thanks for looking at it! :)
Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I am not a "nobody".
That was what I told myself when I decided to run for a position in the executive committee of Recreational Badminton club.
A lack of confidence was one of my most alarming weaknesses. Perhaps humility is another. Whenever I came close to being offered a leadership position previously, I used to think of and justify how someone else was more deserving of it than me. Hence, true enough, I was never given a position.
I eventually realized that there is merely a fine line distinguishing humbleness and apprehension about a person's abilities: I was trapped in the latter. There will always be people who are better than I am, but it is the attitude that I possess with regard to this fact that matters most. If I did not even believe in myself, how was I to convince my peers that they can believe in me?
For circumstances to change, I knew I could not remain resigned to fate that I will never be able to lead. I understood that the only way for me to prove my worth was to believe that I could be as good as the student leaders that I admire.
Thus, after doubting myself for sixteen years of my life, I decided that it was time for me to break out of my shell. Indeed, the conviction I had while presenting my first election speech was crucial in instilling faith in my peers, allowing me to assume the role as the secretary of the club.
I was proud that I had broken out of my shell because that marked the beginning of my being a leader. I knew I was still a novice in leadership, but I believed that with time, I would learn the necessary skills to better myself as a leader and as a person.
Serving as a secretary in recreational badminton has paved a way into the unchartered territory of leadership for me. Without this position, it would not have occurred to me that there is a wealth of knowledge on leading to be tapped into. The most fundamental of them all - courage - was what egged me on my subsequent leadership endeavors in high school.
I may be less of a "nobody" now and I will continue working on it. Nevertheless, my next step would be to convince others that they can be like me too. I may have been a late bloomer, but that would not deter me from believing that I can unleash my true potential as a leader.
Your essay is well written and despite a few problems with tenses, I think overall, that it's a good piece.
A lack of confidence was one of my most alarming weaknesses. Perhaps humility was another. Whenever I came close to being offered a leadership position previously, I used to think of and justify how someone else was more deserving of it than me. Hence, true enough, I was never given a position.
I eventually realized that there was merely a fine line distinguishing humbleness and apprehension about a person's abilities and that I was trapped in the latter. There will always be people who are better than I am, but it is the attitude that I possess with regard to this fact that matters most. If I did not even believe in myself, how was I to convince my peers that they can believe in me?
I am less of a "nobody" now and I will still continue working on it. My next step would be to convince others that they can be like me too. I may have been a late bloomer, but that would not deter me from believing that I can unleash my true potential as a leader.
That was what I told myself when I decided to run for a position in the executive committee of my school's Recreational Badminton club.
fine line distinguishing humbleness and apprehension... I really like that thought!!
Yes, you follow the prompt perfectly! Other than the good advice from msparkee, I have little criticism for you!
Kevin
