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"The non-athletic guy" - Common App Personal Essay


Significa 5 / 14  
Nov 1, 2009   #1
"A short, slim, and scrawny person" - A nonathletic person, am I right? I thought so too. That's why I never really engaged in any sports, at least until high school.

I attended high school that placed a big emphasis on sports and required all its students to take gym classes. When I first learned about this, I was shocked. How can they force someone as skinny as I am to take a gym class? I'm already beyond skinny and frankly, I would not enjoy embarrassing myself by playing basketball or football in gym. So, when my friend told me I could drop my gym class if I joined a school sport, I jumped on the opportunity. I figured the hallways would be filled with team recruitment ads, so I wandered my school's hallways looking for an easy team to join. The first ad I saw was about football. I chuckled and thought to myself "As if gym would not be embarrassing enough..." Then I saw a basketball ad, "Maybe if I could reach the nets." I wandered on. Eventually, one of them caught my eye - Fencing. It can't be that hard to poke someone with a sword.

So, I joined the fencing team at my school, expecting an easy way out of my gym class. I told my parents later that night, they were excited that I was being active in my school. It seemed like a win-win situation but I was deeply mistaken. I came to practice the next day all ready to jab some people. First thing on the coach's list was...running. I dreaded it but I ran anyway. Half-way to the end, my energy was completely consumed. My heart was beating heavily, my leg in throbbing pain, and the end was nowhere in sight. When I finished the strenuous run, we followed it up stairs and pushups. This went on for another hour or perhaps even longer. By the time I was finished with the calisthenics, I was sore and ready to leave. These workouts were done every day. Days I had spent having fun were becoming days of training: tiresome pushups and endless runs. My sleep hours were changed into homework hours and my grades dropped from A's to B's. By the end of my second week, I was exhausted. But I kept myself going. My teammates applauded my diligence but nonetheless, looked down upon my lack of endurance. I was sure I was going to quit by the third week but I kept myself going. But, instead, I decided to finish the rest of the season. When the playoffs were over, life became easy again. There was no more practice and I was able to concentrate on my school work. By the time the school year was over, my grades were back up and everything was back to normal.

I had not planned to return my junior year. I realized I had a tough schedule for school and had examinations to study for. But one day, a couple of my teammates asked me to rejoin and I could not bring myself to tell them no. So, back to practice it was. Luckily, I retained the strength I developed from the year before. The workouts were still demanding but they were a lot easier than last year. Frightening runs became calming jogs and painful pushups became simple stretches. They were ridiculously easy. Essentially, now that I had some endurance, I was able to communicate with my teammates and connect with them. They became my primary motivation to continue fencing. With my improved strength and morale support from my teammates, I eased through my junior year. But my lack of expertise in fencing inspired me to improve. So that summer, I went to fencing camp to improve my fencing and worked out every day to improve my endurance.

The workout served a good purpose because I vastly improved. The sloppy moves and slow attacks were gone. All that resided was a clear and concise attack and a fast but accurate parry. So my senior year, I earned myself a spot on varsity and second place in the PSAL fencing tournament. But there is still much to improve, I'm still practicing to this day. But as a senior, I try to help my teammates whenever I can, even if it means I have to make sacrifices. If there is one thing I learned through my struggles, it is that teammates can be powerful influence on someone. I remembered how much my teammates helped me to stay together my junior year, and I relayed that effort back to the starting freshmen.

Thinking back to my first year, I am not really sure why I did not quit. Although I got out of my gym class, my grades were dropping. Additionally, it was clear that fencing was overwhelming for me. Perhaps it was my refusal of failure, or my refusal to disappoint my parents. Whatever it was, I am glad I stayed. Through all these struggles, I have become stronger, more confident, and a powerful teammate.

If anyone could give me a quick review before tonight, it would be much appreciated! Thanks.
sopheebliss - / 2  
Nov 1, 2009   #2
I think its very conversational which is always a plus in a essay. It's witty and really does talk about your growth through fencing. The only thing I might say is that is doesn't talk too much about what kind of person you are or your historical background. I know you don't have much time but think about a place where you can add some stuff about your past. If not, I think its pretty good:).


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