Check it out (UCLA UCD and UCB are my top and also the conclusion has yet to be written lol)
Prompt #1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Northern India, the birthplace of my parents and the birthplace of my aspirations, has affected me greatly. Can you visualize the sweat dripping down the brow of my people? Children study yet the future in India yields no progress for the youth. The bazaars are crowded and beset with bacteria and diseases that remain unheeded. The small cities of California and the village I call my home in India, both are without sufficient health care or even enlightenment of how to fight off one of their greatest enemies. I have always had the desire to do something, and what a better issue to tackle than one that has affected me thousands of miles away from me. Around middle school it finally impacted me and since I have wanted nothing more, but to go back to where it started and make a change.
My parents worked countless hours every day, so I was already being deprived of the quality time kids need, but this is a common theme in the lives of first generation Americans. Middle school was around the corner and I was just another Asian kid who excelled at everything, but I without any aspirations my future was a foggy one. That all changed by the time my grandma, who suffered a stroke many years ago in India causing paralysis in her left hand, part of her leg, and received nerve damage. Strokes are usually preceded by symptoms, but in a third world country nobody knows about them or can they received proper care. My grandma was robbed of the care that many others get, which augmented the damage she had been afflicted. This inspired me to pursue a career that would help alter the same scenario from turning out as such.
A couple of years removed from then my diabetic father was diagnosed with leukemia. Here I am juggling my education with sustaining my family through these difficult times. I was forced to work daily after school to help my mom take care of our convenience store, while my dad lay in bed fighting cancer. This has put me at a deficit of extra time to do the things that I love. I had to quit playing basketball both my sophomore and junior year, but I was determined to maintain the academic level of performance I was used to. I have now been alleviated of many of my responsibilities as my dad has entered remission. Now in my senior year I have begun to volunteer at a local clinic, where I plan to begin my development as a person who can make things better for others. If not to make direct impact I want to give people from North India, ghettos, and all other locations afflicted with poverty the tools to not embrace, but to fight the preventable.
My desire is to reach out to the people that have been left in the dark, those people that feel helpless because of where they were born, etc.
Children study,yet...
But ,That all changed the day I learnt my grandma had suffered from a stroke,which caused her paralysis
but in an underdeveloped country like India, Proper care could not be given to her due to the poor and corrupt health care system. My grandma was robbed of the care that many others get, which augmented the damage she had been afflicted.
I think you should use your grandma's experiebce after explaining what happened with your dad to add depth.
Then you can add this line :This inspired me to pursue a career that would help people,So know one has to experience the struggle I went through
My desire is to reach out to the people that have been left in the dark , those people that were left helpless because of hardships. I want to be empowered with the knowledge to reach out and make a difference. I want to be exposed to things that will help me find my way to fulfilling my dreams;(state our dreams). Education will be the megaphone that will help me project my voice around the world. Starting in my small California city I aim to elucidate to others that there are so many health-related options we have and how to use them to their advantage. Combined with my motivation to help others along with my leadership skills I will complete my aspirations to help alleviate those that are afflicted by maladies and unawareness.---to wordy
A really nice essay,just work on the conclusion. gooodluck:)
