Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 8


Northwestern Letter of Interest - co-authoring UNC paper, NU sex demo. controversy


zdmw911 9 / 32  
Apr 4, 2011   #1
I was wait listed at Northwestern, so this is actually a letter of continued interest to Northwestern. I'm aware that there is a section on the forum specifically for letters but I thought that it would be more appropriate posted here, since this forum is probably frequented by people more knowledgeable about colleges. Sorry if I should have posted it elsewhere!

Thanks in advance! Please let me know if this is a conventional format for a letter of interest; I've never written one before. There is no specified word limit, and of obviously no prompt either.

_____________________________

Kevin, I've taken your advice and came up with this. The letter has now become an extended metaphor as I have this idea of acquiring the taste of Northwestern as if it were wine running throughout. It's a bit risky, but let me know what you think! (I have highlighted in red the parts of the letter that have undergone major changes.)

Dear ______ ______,

It takes a certain amount of effort to acquire a taste for Northwestern, or any university in general. Like a connoisseur at a wine fair, I pour a sample of each university into my glass and sip it sparingly; some taste better than others, but one thing all have in common is the eclectic mix of tastes each university offers. At the end of the day, I have to choose a wine to buy. Although none particularly suit me, I choose to take home Northwestern; its label is lined in purple and white, the wine is full-bodied, well-aged - a year 1851 and brewed in Evanston, I believe - and seems to have a fantastic reputation among the fair-goers. Over the next few months, I start to develop a stronger affinity for Northwestern, as I make sure to taste it regularly. Over time, I start to taste the nuances in the wine; the flavors begin to spill out - sweetness becomes more pronounced and the bitterness and taste of foreign land begins to evaporate. Before long, I acquire a taste for Northwestern.

My preliminary taste of Northwestern was from an interview with a gracious Alumnus called ____, who did a fantastic job of outlining Northwestern's undergraduate experience given the tight schedule she had - we had to reschedule multiple times! She provided such an honest insight into Northwestern University and nostalgically recalled her friends at Northwestern, one of whom was enrolled in the Integrated Science Program, and another who was enrolled at both Weinberg and Medill. Her fond memories of Northwestern and most importantly, the academic flexibility and research opportunities at Northwestern, allowed me to appreciate the diversity of Northwestern's flavors. Although I was initially skeptical about my match for Northwestern - the coffee didn't ease my nerves while I was waiting -- the road ahead of me was clear by the end of the interview; Northwestern's taste began to grow stronger.

In that interview, I was able to mention some recent achievements I accomplished after I sent in my application. Lately, I have been involved in a volunteer activity helping a research team inthe University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, who are investigating natural phenomena in a regional bat population and to do so, require thousands of letters of DNA collected from the bats to be decoded to reveal the various proteins present in the bats. Given their lack of manpower, the team needed extra help and that was where I came in. Because I had contributed the most out of the many participants (and enjoyed it thoroughly - it felt as though I was getting a preliminary taste of the research I plan to do in college!), my biology teacher chose me to co-author their research paper! As I write to you now, the research team is currently under way as they are processing the thousands of proteins we discovered in the DNA, and is hard at work on their part of the paper. It may be a while before they need my help in contributing my findings, but I will be more than happy to continue to help them, even if it runs into my time in college!

My subsequent taste of Northwestern was through keeping an eye out for Northwestern in the news. Through Northwestern's YouTube channel, I discovered the work of Nina Kraus and her study on the correlation between listening to music and improved linguistic skills. Eventually, I even found her work mentioned in articles that my favorite online cultural news center, Flavorwire, led me to. This was not an isolated case; suddenly, I became more aware of Northwestern in society, which inevitably also included Professor John Michael Bailey's controversial demonstration. After an initial feeling of shock, I came to be quite impressed, not just with how mature students were in approaching the controversial demonstration, but Professor Bailey's well-considered response and Northwestern University's slick handling of the controversy. Reading through the comments on the CNN article where I first read about it, I ran across comments from concerned parents, claiming that the students were "innocent" and that it was the professor's fault, but we know that the students viewed the demonstration with the knowledge that it would be explicit, and, as far as I know, were mature enough to take the demonstration seriously and appreciate the educational value of it. Professor Bailey, like any education-minded professor, was taking a dangerous step, but one he saw necessary for the educational benefit of his students. This controversial affair may have polluted Northwestern's image for some, but has only reaffirmed by desire to attend Northwestern - a place where students and faculty are mature and take education very seriously.

Hopefully, through this letter I have conveyed to you some facets of my character not apparent before, that I feel are most important to your admission decision; I could write so much more about why Northwestern is the ultimate wine, but that would probably test your patience. Whether or not I will be taken off the wait list is unfortunately beyond my control, but I can assure you that if accepted, I will make a permanent home for it in my wine cellar, right on the altar. The unfamiliar, bitter beverage that caught my eye a year ago has over time become an intense, rich and intoxicating wine that I will appreciate time and time again.

I truly appreciate the effort and care you and the rest of the admission committee put into creating the Class of 2015!

Yours sincerely,
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 6, 2011   #2
Disillusioned... what was the illusion it dispelled? I think you may not have used the word correctly.

Disillusioned by the rush of college applications back in late 2010, I ___________________- Replace the end of this sentence (which was not impressive i.e. had a hard time deciding... indecision is not impressive) with some words that justify your use of "disillusioned." I like the way that word looks at the start, but explain what the rush of applications did to disillusion you.

Capitalize Internet

... asking me just how badly I wanted to attend Northwestern on a scale of 1-10 -- I giddily (but candidly) replied "10". Northwestern and I had finally sparked.-----Wow, it sounds like a sales strategy. When you sell cars or furniture, you are supposed to try to get a verbal commitment or affirmation from the prospective buyer...

Be efficient:
After being able to reflecting on my choices and my aspirations, I can genuinely say that Northwestern University is the place I want to be.

I really like your writing style, but you have to get efficient and prioritize. Every sentence is a little bit of work for the reader, so make every sentence powerful. Challenge yourself to cut at least 25% of this content. That is how to REFINE it.

Think about the most important message you want to convey, and express it in the intro and conclusion. I like the conclusion but not really the intro. The essay should have one main message/theme for the reader to remember. Express that powerfully at the beginning and end, and omit distracting, unnecessary details.

:-)
OP zdmw911 9 / 32  
Apr 6, 2011   #3
Thanks, Kevin! I really appreciate this! BTW, this is a letter, not an essay, so I don't know how important it is for me to stick to a certain message? I was hoping to make it a more holistic assessment of my reasons for continued interest in Northwestern, and the things I have achieved/done between the application deadline and now.

Thanks again!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 7, 2011   #4
this is a letter, not an essay, so I don't know how important it is for me to stick to a certain message?

Great question. In everything you write or say, in EVERY situation, I think the message must be something you can express in a single sentence. That is how communication happens. The READER must be able to express the message in one sentence after reading the essay. That is how a reader can reflect on a piece of writing.

The message is like the tip of a spear. It does not have to actually be a message, but instead can be a THEME. It is some easily-remembered, "catchy," meaningful concept.

It is an "overarching" concept that is related to all concepts covered in the essay.

An essay without a sharp message/theme is like an arrow with no arrowhead.

:-)
OP zdmw911 9 / 32  
Apr 8, 2011   #5
That's a great analogy! Thanks again.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 10, 2011   #6
This is really nice. I hope the AO reader can appreciate it as much as I do...

She provided such an honest insight into ...

...about my match for compatibility with Northwestern - the coffee didn't ease my nerves while I was waiting -- the road ahead of me...

Let's use a colon here:
... was clear by the end of the interview: Northwestern's taste began to grow stronger.

I like that intro... maybe you can eliminate one of those occurrences of the word start... and I would take out "I believe"

This is great!
jbnyu 1 / 2  
Apr 12, 2011   #7
Sorry for the delayed response.

I truly enjoyed reading your letter, I think you have a great writing style. BUT, i have to ask, would Northwestern be offended that they had to "grow on you?" I always thought that colleges are looking for the "this is my dream college and the only school i have ever thought about."

If I'm mistaken, then I think its a great letter and very unique, t would definitely stand out.

JB
OP zdmw911 9 / 32  
Apr 13, 2011   #8
Thanks so much, JB! I sent my letter off already but thanks for the help. I DID in fact worry that NU would see my essay as a bit offensive, but I think that they are also turned off by applicants who go on about how NU is the "only school they have ever thought about", because I'm sure a LOT of people say that, and IMO it sounds quite ignorant. I hope they don't see it as offensive; I truly DO want to attend NU, but the truth is it did take some time to really get to know NU, as would be the case with any other university.

Thanks again!

@Kevin: Thanks to you as well! You have helped me immensely over the past few months and I really do appreciate it.


Home / Undergraduate / Northwestern Letter of Interest - co-authoring UNC paper, NU sex demo. controversy
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳