Northwestern University Transfer Essay

Would anyone be willing to read my transfer essay? I'm not completely finished yet but i want to make sure i heading in the right direction.

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

December 15, 1989 I was born in Northwestern University hospital. Few applicants have the luxury of saying that the first college they want to attend is the same place they first open their eyes. Although, I haven't had a plan for everything in my life, my education has always been of the highest priority. I learned late in my high school years how important it is to stay on course and set goals. My freshman and sophomore years I reflect on as being learning experiences and my junior and senior years as being more focused and dedicated. However, this limited my options after graduating. I choose to attend a Community College with the aspiration of redeeming my high school slip-ups with academic success in college. Thus far I fell as if I have completed what I intended to do. Compared to other prestigious universities in the United States, Northwestern is the exemplification of acceptance and worldliness. Two characteristics I hold in high esteem. Many universities claim to give their students a truly well rounded education while at the same time boxing them into a major with overly specific course requirements. Northwestern allows for academic freedom that will develop students inside and outside of their major. A balanced education establishes responsibility in individuals. Diversity in learning allows for diversity in life. Coming from a diverse African American background myself, I value universities that promote the same.

Mathematics and Economics have been a passion of mine since I was young. I started reading about capital market trends and the math used to analyze and predict them when I was a junior in high school. I discovered a more in-depth interest for economics when I started day trading in the Stock Market. I have now turned my part-time extracurricular activity into a full-time position alongside my heavy course load. However the longer I stay at community college my options get smaller in my desired fields. There being only two economics classes and no mathematics classes that deal with finance my options are running out. Northwestern's vast courses and flexible requirements make it an ideal university for me to take advantage of my passion and make it into a career.

My life's dream is to become an investment banker and at the same time take those skills and create my own Mergers & Acquisitions Company. When I was young my aunt showed me a remake of a film called the "Thomas Crown Affair". It portrayed Thomas crown as an intelligent Wall Street businessman whose hobby is stealing precious paintings form art museums. Although it was mostly about the art stealing to me it represented organized decisions and precise strategy to complete a task. The same skills investment bankers utilize in their profession. This was my first step into the financial world and I cannot think of any other university to help me become my own "Thomas Crown" minus the thievery. The Kellogg School of Management will give me all the tools I need to excel in the business world. From mergers & acquisitions, which is a cut out of my hopes to asset management, which is the staple of investment banking. I would love to expand on my knowledge of investing as well as the way derivatives create the futures and options markets. Northwestern has exactly what I thirst and hunger for in business. Due to the elaborate applications of math in the stock market I would like to major in mathematics at The Weinberg College of Arts & Science. Northwestern presents one of the leading economics programs in the country along with the undergraduate mathematics program MENU this school is a perfect fit for me to achieve my goals. The Weinberg College of Arts & Sciences is a place where I see myself thriving as an undergraduate student.

^I would not say you are on track here. You are not discussing why you would like to go to Northwestern, which should be an issue of concern for you, since that is what the essay prompt is asking you.


^Off track again.


^Your first sentence needs grammar reivision. What are your goals. You may have mentioned it in the earlier paragraph, but you rambled so much that it was very easy to miss you stating what your goals are in life.

You do not discuss how that environment is ideal for you. You instead make a generalized statement.
Why are you admitting that you are applying to many other Universities. It kind of is a slap in the face, because it does not suggest that Northwestern is your number one Uni.

You do not say why you treasure large size classes.

You need to work on your essay. Id say that your starting lines are fine, but that is about it really

Ok, Thanks for replying to this so quickly. I'm going to edit these parts and hopefully you could take another look at it. In the third quote you said i was off track. Is it unnecessary to give a background as to why I want to purse math and economics?

^I would not say it is unnecessary as much as it is irrelevant. The essay prompt is asking you why you want to study at Northwestern basically. Just stating an interest in Economics is quite futile in that case. Unless, you can link your interest with Weinberg's College of Arts and Sciences and how the college will help supplement your interest in that academic discipline.

It does boil down partly to a matter of expression. Currently, you just expressed an interest in Economics which in no way is related to the main purpose of the essay.

^Luxury? I'm confused. Are you trying to imply that you are predestined to attend Northwestern?


^There is something awkward about this sentence structure.


^What?


^Vast assortment of courses.

1. Im trying to say that I was predestined to attend NW, but that is something about me that other transfers don't have.

2.Ok

3. I value schools that promote diversity. The wording needs to be changed.

Thanks

^That seems quite silly to me. The fact that you were born in the University hospital really doesn't make you a better applicant unless NW's hospital injected you with special intellegence boosting drug.

I think something about being born at the university you're applying to is kind of neat to mention, but Boxin's has a point; it seems to imply that because you were born there, you were just meant to go there. As if you are one of those "few applicants" with that "luxury" that makes you a shoo-in.

So I'm ambivalent as to whether you want to use it. It is pretty cool, so if you rephrased it somehow...

Edit:


I didn't see this before I posted.

No.

haha my bad, I meant Not predestine. Do you guys think i should talk more about the social events at the school ?