I joined the Norwalk Titans football team without knowing the consequences. I was involved with strenuous training where my limits would be pushed above its maximum. Compared to the other players, I was not as good enough when it came to exercising. However, the coaches did notice my versatility until the time came to try out for positions in the team. My early flag football years and independent training with my dad gave me the ability to play different positions effectively. Therefore, I was chosen to be one of the leaders for the Norwalk Titans. Whenever the stakes were high and the chances of winning were slim, I was looked upon to raise the morale. My first year in tackle football changed my personality and helped me build skills for my future life.
The perfect description for my Norwalk football team was the "One man team." Each star player held at least two positions within the team because of the small amount of players. As a first year player I did not believe I would be playing more than one position, but in the end I was trusted with three positions. They trusted me to lead the team alongside one of the regulars within the team. Through the victories and defeats, I developed strong leadership skills and strength of character within myself. I built a sense of pride with the person I was becoming, and I felt as if I could lead a nation into war.
I transitioned from someone who was perceived as a follower to the person who would lead an entire team. Each responsibility put upon me only strengthened me further. Joining the Norwalk football team helped me develop a new type of personality and opened the door to a new future. I became proud of the team I led, and the person I have become.
Good evening :)
I have edited the first section and provided some general comments in regards to the rest of the piece:
"I joined the Norwalk Titans football team without knowing the consequences. I was involved in strenuous training where my limits would be pushed above their maximum. Compared to the other players, I was not as good when it came to exercising. However, the coaches did not notice my versatility until the time came to try out for positions in the team. My early flag football years and independent training with my dad gave me the ability to play different positions effectively. Therefore, I was chosen to be one of the leaders for the Norwalk Titans. Whenever the stakes were high and the chances of winning were slim, I was looked upon to raise the morale. My first year in tackle football changed my personality and helped me build skills for my future life."
...the "O ne man team." This shouldn't be capitalized.
and the person I have become . This should be "the person I became."
I'm not sure whether it is a good response to the prompt or not because you didn't include the prompt, but it does have a good intro and conclusion; your body sticks to your topic, and all of your sentences stay on topic as well.
I hope this helps.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
I'm sorry, the subject for the UC prompt#2 is:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
In that case, I think you've done a fine job answering the prompt!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Oh haha, thank you very much for the corrections Gloria! I've recommended this forum to some of my pre-UC friends. Your advice is golden, thanks.
