"My notebooks" Personal statement for undergrad college application

Prompt: An essay of your choice

This essay is basically supposed to highlight what I do in my free time (these are not my extracurricular activities listed on the common app). Please critique this essay and suggest the changes I can make to it.

Section 1: As mysteries unfold on a dusky day in 1940s Paris, a new fine line can be spotted encroaching on Jean-Marcellus' very crowded forehead. Is Jean's dearest court Anne-Michelle the very murderer he's been in search of?

Interrupted by an explosion of colors at the foot of the page, I wonder why the layering of chronological events in my novels fills me with the very same happiness as the layering of color upon color, in an attempt to obtain the perfect mauve. As I flip through the pages to find a spot where the rest of the scene can be fit into, I wonder why the sketch of a face circa 2012 looks broody. Did she just come in from the cold? Is she unwell?

My notebooks are the places where I explore ideas through actions in addition to words.
Section 2: Can chickens recognize themselves if a mirror is put in front of them? Another, rather nostalgic, page answers the simpler question of the science behind popping of popcorns. Not two pages later is the result of a research binge on the fundamental particles that took me through quantum physics and somehow deposited me at a Quora post explaining the nature of reality. Now my notebook contains yet another quest to solve: If consciousness is supposed to be the fundamental basis of reality, why can't we control our bodies that are just empty spaces and quantum fields?

The bundle of notebooks on my desk is a collection of all the thoughts that flood into a mind that likes to question the very answers.

Section 3: ½ cup sugar -good, 1 cup sugar -not sure what way to feel about this, 2 cup sugar -BAD! (trial and error..). While trying to bake the perfect Mocha cupcakes with Espresso frosting, I take notes-of anything and everything.Although the end result of my endeavors is not always edible, there is something extraordinarily satisfying about the meticulousness of measuring out ingredients and combining them to form one cohesive unit. In the kitchen, I'm a scientist in her element.

My notebooks act as a blog keeping track of the results of my explorations through actions and experiments; reminding me of the fact that the perfect chocolate cake recipe is no recipe at all.

The three sections of these notebooks have been a hardcopy of my rather distinct personalities for over 10 years now. Apparently being a novelist, painter, philosopher, and a food scientist are worlds apart, in my diary however, all these side hobbies melt down to a basic life mission: To gain an understanding of the rules of this world through action, research and reflection, exploration, and experimentation.

Scribbling through the pages, connecting every piece of information I've ever collected; from the origins of language to the theory of Mind AI, I aim to make the world around me make sense. My notebooks, an epitome of my intellectual curiosity, are a constant reminder to look beyond the obvious explanations. By refusing to settle for a superficial understanding and refusing to endure the status quo, my goal is to be among some of the greatest innovators of all times, who left a mark on this world by creating new knowledge, technologies, and innovation. As of now, I substituted yeast in the batter of a loaf with Gatorade drink and needless to say, this is the best experiment to ever be recorded in my notebook.

When you have to explain the content of the essay to the reader, then your presentation has a problem. You are not confident of the written presentation. The intention of the essay should be clear, either through the title or prompt you are responding to. Either use a a title that implies the intent clearly or, Use an actual prompt that you developed and indicate it at the start. Right now, this condescending attitude will not help your application. Rather than appealing to the reader, you are coming across as obnoxious instead.

A chameleon like personality portrayal will only work if there is a point where all these personalities merge. These personalities are just confusing, The reviewer does not have the time to analyze the philosophy of your personality. Try to use 3 sections that somehow relate to at least create a more understandable point or character portrayal in your presentation.

Like I said, if you have to explain the point of the writing just to be sure your point or theme is clear to the reader, then the essay has failed to serve its purpose. The last paragraph in particular, fails to create a full circle for your presentation.

To me, this essay is really confusing. The different section of your notebooks that you're writing about do not connect and I feel like you failed to come up with a conclusion that could wrap it up.