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More Than Notes and Chords-Commonapp Essay


deathgoest 2 / 4  
Sep 27, 2011   #1
Here is my essay for commonapp. I hope someone can help me check the grammar and sentence pattern. Is the structure and focus okay? Thank you.

Prompt-Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

Whenever I wanted some music, a special album-'Vincent's best collection', lying silently among the masterpieces composed by Beethoven and Chopin, will always be my best choice. Well, to be honest, my English name is Vincent.

When I first touched the ivory-black keys, I asked myself what the meaning of music was, but then failed to give an answer. This question came up to me again when I first tried to compose a song to please my favorite girl who later turned me down. However, the moment I saw my fellows singing my song together with tears at my junior high school graduation ceremony, I suddenly realized the answer went beyond notes and chords, for something that should have existed privately between me and the girl now belonged to everyone at the hall. The answer was to share a passion, and to influence more people by my music, though I wasn't a professional pianist.

At the end of 10th grade, I set up my own website and uploaded my original music, and it has thousands of followers up to now. Nothing can be more gratifying to me than to communicate with different people from different corners around the world through my music. I tried to use my "special language" to understand, to connect, to melt the coldness in strangers' hearts, and to tear down the barriers between us. Through this process I had discovered my curiosity in exploring people's internal world, which explains for my decision to study psychology in the future.

In 2011, after knowing that there is an organization - the Maitian Project of China, which aims at helping school children in poverty-stricken mountain areas, I began to plan for a charitable project to donate money to them. I conveyed this idea through my website and received warm responses. I teamed up with some of my talented followers to carry on this project and we successfully published and sold over 300 albums of my compositions. All the money we earned was donated to the charity organization. First touching this album, I felt like touching a substantive network that brought various people together to cooperate for the same goal.

Every time I play this CD, it reminds me of the figure of my past, a sentimental boy who was crying for the rejection by a girl. The figure is now fading and instead I can see a confident smiling young man who knows the stage of life won't be limited to a piano. There are more than notes and chords we can hear from his music but an ideal bound with the movement - an ideal which brings us trust, sympathy and love.

Paul Jo 6 / 30  
Sep 27, 2011   #2
Fairly well written essay. Could you make it a little longer to condense more in-depth information?

Whenever I wanted some music, a special album-'Vincent's best collection', lying silently among the masterpieces composed by Beethoven and Chopin, will always be my best choice. Well, to be honest, my English name is Vincent.

When I first touched the ivory-black keys, I asked myself what was the meaning of music , but then (remove then) failed to give an answer. This question came up to me again when I first tried to compose a song to please my favorite girl who later turned me down. However, the moment I saw my fellows singing my song together with tears at my junior high school graduation ceremony, I suddenly realized the answer went beyond notes and chords, for something that should have existed privately between me and the girl now belonged to everyone at the hall. The answer was to share a passion, and to influence more people by my music, though I wasn't a professional pianist.

At the end of 10th grade, I set up my own website and uploaded my original music, and it (what is 'it'?) has thousands of followers until now. Nothing can be more gratifying to me than to communicate with different people from different corners around the world through my music. I tried to use my "special language" to understand, to connect, to melt the coldness in strangers' hearts, and to tear down the barriers between us. Through this process I had discovered my curiosity in exploring people's internal world, which makes me study psychology in the future.

In 2011, after knowing that there is an organization - the Maitian Project of China, which aims at helping school children in poverty-stricken mountain areas, I began to plan for a charitable project to donate money to them. I conveyed this idea through my website and received warm responses. I teamed up with some of my talented followers to carry on this project and we successfully published and sold over 300 albums of my compositions.(Break the sentence into two) All the money we earned was donated to the charity organization. First touching this album, I felt like touching a substantive network that brought various people together to cooperate for the same goal.

Every time I play this CD, it reminds me of the figure of my past, a sentimental boy who was crying for the rejection by a girl. The figure is now fading and instead I can see a confident smiling young man who knows the stage of life won't be limited to a piano. There are more than notes and chords we can hear from his music but an ideal bound with the movement - an ideal which brings us trust, sympathy, and love.

:)
OP deathgoest 2 / 4  
Sep 28, 2011   #3
Thank you so much for your suggestions. ^^
lively 1 / 4  
Oct 9, 2011   #4
Sounds really weird. The front and back doesn't match.


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