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Nothing comes easy ; Johns Hopkins/ Something about Me

imbue 6 / 24  
Dec 25, 2012   #1
Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (250 words or less)

It was Christmas time once again, and I sat on the steps of my aunt's house trying to make, of all things, a rubber band ball like those I had seen in toy stores. As a seven year old, making the core of the ball certainly wasn't easy; all I ended up with were red fingers and a river of tears. But when my father noticed my frustration and came over to comfort me, I couldn't help but be angry with him. Why couldn't he just make it for me, or buy me one? That's what parents are for! Yet he sat with me until my tears had subsided and then with patience and care, showed me how to loop the bands just so, and made me do it by myself again and again until I had that perfect ball. When I look back, I realize that what I learned that day as a child was a principle that my parents pushed me to incorporate into my character, and a principle that I have since then truly upheld as one of my personal rules. Nothing comes easy and quickly, but with persistence and hard work over time, nothing is really impossible.

One of my concerns so far is that I do not connect the characteristic, persistence, enough to who I am currently and how that relates to my applying to Johns. Please give me feedback on what you think I can change or fix, and do not be afraid to be blunt!
diabatem 5 / 32  
Dec 25, 2012   #2
While you essay is well written, do you really think you want to use this essay? I would use an essay talking about a struggle you face, or talk about what you wrote in bold.
OP imbue 6 / 24  
Dec 25, 2012   #3
What do you mean? I feel like I'm well represented by the persistence I have and have shown, so that's why I chose this as a topic. I don't think I'm really understanding your point :3
diabatem 5 / 32  
Dec 25, 2012   #4
You have a limited word count to express a unique aspect about yourself. Although your essay is interesting, you may want to yourself solely. Think about when you summarize this essay into one sentence what message do you want portray?
ksh940826 1 / 2  
Dec 25, 2012   #5
It is a well written essay.But if you can add a little bit more to your experience and expand it so that you can show more about yourself, i think it will be a better essay. For example, write more about the change you have experienced as you have grown overtime and how persistence and hard work had specific, significant impacts in your life.

I hope this helped a little bit, and please read my supplements too?? Plz :)
OP imbue 6 / 24  
Dec 25, 2012   #6
So overall if I condensed the existing story and elaborated on how persistence appears in my life today, do you think it will make the essay better?
diabatem 5 / 32  
Dec 25, 2012   #7
Yes, that would be much better.
college134nj - / 44 7  
Dec 25, 2012   #8
guys... if i remember correctly, i think that they don't want it to be a formal essay. i think it is excellent as-is - it says a lot about you that is implied. they dont want a formal essay. they want to know more about you. it says plenty about u already, IMO.
diabatem 5 / 32  
Dec 25, 2012   #9
hmm, that is different. Well if it does not need to be a formal essay, keep it the way you have it.

Also can you guys help me with my common app essay about wisdom it is due soon!

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