hey guys. this is my personal statement essay for temple university. any feedback would be great. thanks
Please tell us more about yourself. Relate one or more experiences or circumstances that have contributed to your personal/academic development.
Maya Angelou once said "When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better for not only yourself, but the world around you." These are the words that I try to live my life by. Growing up in the Philadelphia suburb of Garnet Valley, I have been presented with many opportunities about getting involved and becoming an active member of society. Whether it be clubs/activities at school, community service projects, work experience, or athletics, I try to be involved with as many things as possible.
In high school, I have been very active when it comes to sports. During my first year of high school, I tried out and made my school's Freshman basketball team. Being on the team, I learned the true sense of belonging and what it means to be committed. Following the basketball season, I decided to join the swim team. It was here that I really found my niche. Not only was it something I was good at and loved to do, but I had fantastic coaches and teammates that cared more about me as a person than as a swimmer. When the season finally came to an end, I simply could not wait for it to start up again. I continued with the swim team throughout my high school career and, as a senior, became the team captain. Joining the swim team was one of the best decisions I made in high school. It taught me a lot about accountability, being unselfish, and, above all, leadership. I can honestly say that joining the team definitely contributed to my personal development.
During the summer of 2010, I made the decision to obtain a part time job during the summer at the local swim club. My prior swimming experience had actually helped me land the job and made the training more familiar. Working as a lifeguard was very beneficial to me. Not only was I being paid, but I also gained valuable real-work experience, improved my social/workplace skills, and learned about managing my finances. A few years later, during my junior year of high school I even chose to further my work experience by working at a local supermarket. My involvement in each of those jobs taught me a lot about the real world. Most importantly however, I learned the importance of hard work and responsibility. They were very beneficial and I gained hands-on work experience and now have a greater appreciation for the work force. I now have a better understanding about how jobs work and what to expect for future employment opportunities.
The clubs that are offered at my school have been a big part of my high school career. By joining Interact Club (volunteer service club) and Environmental/Recycling Club, I have been able to travel around the surrounding area and volunteer my time for the good of the community. My classmates and I have cleaned up trash on the streets, repainted buildings, organized canned food drives, and participated in fundraisers in which the money raised was donated to local charities and shelters. Not only was the service beneficial to the community, it was beneficial to ourselves. It developed a real sense of well-being inside all of us. Having joined these clubs early on in high school, I was able to explore other opportunities of service that were not immediately affiliated with the school as well. I began volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, a program that builds new homes for citizens that have been affected by natural disaster. The programs that I have been involved in throughout high school have had a significant impact on me.
Throughout my high school career I have been committed to being an active member in my community. To me, being involved is a very important part of life. I've learned a lot and gained a gained an extensive amount of experience that will, without a doubt, help me in the future.
My athletic background, my work experience, and my community service have all helped me in working towards my goals in the future.
this is amazing. not only your accomplishments but your work ethics to go along. this is so well written. i honestly cannot give any feedback. would not trust my feedback either on grammar purposes. but organized so well i feel like mine is so horrible now. and you seem very eager ti get what you want. i would maybe change a few of the high schools and high school careers in there and find other words for that. just used alot. but wish i could write this well, and accomplished all of that in highschool!
