Notre Dame supplement- building a future of hope

3. In a homily during his visit to the United States, Pope Benedict XVI stated, "Today's celebration is more than an occasion of gratitude for graces received. It is also a summons to move forward with firm resolve to use wisely the blessings of freedom, in order to build a future of hope for coming generations." How will a Notre Dame education enable you to answer the call to "use wisely the blessings of freedom, in order to build a future of hope" for others in your own way?

In Korea, parents usually limit their children's dreams to which they would have a "good" career- a lawyer, a doctor or a teacher. On the other hand, In terms of this fetter, I am free: my parents never force me for anything. They just want me to live as the God wills. I can study whatever I want in any place, and pursue my own dreams.

Living in a city with a large gap between the poor and the rich, I have desired to be the servant leader of the poor in my home city, Ilsan. Thus, I chose to use my freedom by studying Political Science at the University of Notre Dame, so that I can instill hope among the poor someday as a true politician.

Above all, the First Year of Studies of the University of Notre Dame will help me grow as a rounded expert through broad range of education; also, the school will empower me to grow different perspectives as the political science department makes students study in four kinds of fields, through 50 different courses. Moreover, various conferences provided to political science students and the school's extensive emphasis on undergraduate research, which will develop my argumentation skills, promises the university's strong support to pursue my dream.

Visualizing myself helping the poor in my hometown, I am glad that I have a freedom to what to study and who to be. Dedicating my freedom to a dream of politician, I am sure that the education at University of Notre Dame will grow me as the hope of the poor in my community.

hey, you should give people some time ;)


I think this is better: "their children's dreams"


not sure if it makes much sense, some grammatical errors. how about "because they want them to have a successful career" ?


you should say : "a lawyer, a doctor or a teacher"


are u sure about this? Its just that i havent seen it before...which doesnt mean that its wrong


try this : "as god wills"


" ... i want anywhere..."


my own dreams


a large gap , would u agree?


i think u have decided to become the 'leader' of the poor. u can also say " I have desired to be the servant leader of the poor" , it would be quite humble.


hehe, a politicians hope isnt trust worthy :P but i know what you mean, try rephrasing.


i dont think u need to repeat "freedom" so much, just cut out the "the result of my freedom" part


try: "... will help me grow as a rounded expert..."


undergraduate year


definitely rephrase this


actually this whole paragraph can be a bit inappropriate and too extreme. instead of this say what good values does notredam uni. have that can enable u to reach ur goal and become succesful? a particual program? the faculty? go look on their website, plenty of info there


"when i visualize myself helping the poor community in my hometown, I feel thankful and proud that i have had the opportunity to study at university of norte dam. I am sure that i will not regret studying political science at notre dam university"

i think u can also wait for a couple of other peopleto comment as well

its a good essay, just try to fix the errors. good luck to you!

yeah i just wanted to push my thread to the top again ;) haha
actually, you really spent your time for my essay and gave me a lot of constructive advice ... thanks x100000
and for the word 'fetter,' i think i learned it as a SAT word.. something.. meaning like curb. Apparently, i should fix that word too ;p

thanks again!!!