NOTRE DAME SUPPLEMENT+GEORGE WASH: being the political "bow"

I've been working on this the whole day and can't seem to make it click somehow. It might sound disconnected. I really need your opinions because I'm kind of stuck.

In a homily during his visit to the United States, Pope Benedict XVI stated, "Today's celebration is more than an occasion of gratitude for graces received. It is also a summons to move forward with firm resolve to use wisely the blessings of freedom, in order to build a future of hope for coming generations." How will a Notre Dame education enable you to answer the call to "use wisely the blessings of freedom, in order to build a future of hope" for others in your own way?

As a Filipino, you are basically confined to two career choices- nurse or a doctor- and two academic paths- math or science. And so I was raised for 13 years with Biology as my paved pathway and medical school as my destination.

All seemingly changed when I came to America 5 years ago and I grew an affinity for Social Studies, proclaiming that perhaps International Political Science would be a fit just right. Despite objections from my parents, I continued down my new path knowing that in the end I wanted to choose a profession that will grant me contentment. I discovered a passion beyond the barriers of mathematical rigidity and the confines of scientific precision. I discovered human nature beyond its anatomical structure or physical deteriorations. I've always pride myself as quite an idealist and it is through my growing idealism that gradually gravitated me towards Political Science. As veteran journalist, Bill Moyers once said, "Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism." I strive to become that "bow".

Notre Dame has always prided itself with higher learning enriched by the university's diversity. It has become the breeding ground of academic freedom, cultivating its' students' awareness to poverty and injustice that plagues the world of today. With a Notre Dame degree on Political Science, I wish to venture into these infested territories by becoming a United Nations diplomat. As a devout Catholic, I wish to form a communion of peace in which diversity is not a problem but a solution to the growing oppression that burdens so many lives. I wish to share that bond- that sense of community that I know Notre Dame is willing to give me. I wish to answer to the summons of freedom and give a little piece of "Irish" in the world.

Hi.
I am applying to ND this year too!!
Anyway..
I think your first sentence is like a quotation from someone, like your dad.
How about changing that sentence in a quotaion?..

Yeah..now I think about it sounds like a quotation but it's actually my own words, not what my dad said or anything.

Thanks for the critique.

Should I lengthen it? I'm really not feeling confident about this essay.

Some days, we just don't have inspiration. Maybe today is better! Look at it again.

As a Filipino students are basically confined to two...

the beginning is very interesting! I like your second sentence.

...would be a fit just right perfect field for me.

It has become the breeding ground of academic freedom, cultivating its students' awareness of poverty and injustice that plague the world of today.