Notre Dame Supplement Essay: "Martian Log 20A1, Come In Star Command"

Please review my essay and feel free to critique as harshly as you can. In return, I can read yours and make my comments. Thank you!

P.S. Notre Dame is a Catholic school

1. The Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., President of the University of Notre Dame, said in his Inaugural Address that, "If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" In what way do you feel you are different from your peers, and how will this shape your contribution to the Notre Dame community?

I once thought I was living on Mars. The culture of Southridge gentlemen was an enigma to humans. We celebrated more masses in one month than any other school within our quaint Philippine town. Southridge gentlemen were indeed a profoundly spiritual society.

Nevertheless, our way of life was not too distinct from the earthly inhabitants', since we, too, needed to eat, sleep and be upright citizens-all the norms of social living creatures. While humans existed to survive, however, the school decided that the purpose of its students was to go beyond the natural; to live for the supernatural. Under the guidance of my alma mater, I fostered a love for God, a deep nostalgia for the master who brought this universe to being.

And, why do our fellows not see the value of this spiritual life, we questioned? In light of this inquiry, we were disciplined to lead good example and trained to bring Christ to others.

Since Southridge School was nestled at the heart of the modest town of Alabang, we were primarily focused on making an impact within our small community. However, when I was teleported from planet Mars to the United States, I knew I was to breathe in an atmosphere composed of truly foreign gases. Here, religion is just a Sunday option for the majority. It may just be a personal speculation. But, with such diversity in this environment, I can honestly admit it does not feel like home at all.

My humanity is not unique, but my lifestyle is because it is inspired by Christ, the "Catholic"-universal-God. Among my peers in school, I alone greet my teachers "hello" and "good-bye" with courtesy; I alone make the effort to pick up litter, even if it belongs not to me, and throw it away; I alone search for the Lord at different times during the day. Of course, this is not to congratulate myself. But, still, one would beg the question: why do our fellows not see the value of this spiritual life?

As I behave in my native alien culture, I receive ridicule from those who do not understand the implications of Christian conduct. On the other hand, a few received the message I brought to them wholeheartedly. When they slowly came to this appreciation, these people have become intimate companions. I believe that through sincere friendship, Christ has arrived at the door to their hearts; through a rusty and disposable metal key as me, the Lord can enter. As just a mere instrument, however, I need not do anything flamboyant or unusually ecstatic. I should just continue being human, getting to know my friends and becoming a person they can admire, but, above all, trust.

This is who I can bring to the Notre Dame community: God. Of course, a profound longing to understand the physical world in its metaphysical purpose leads me to pursue a profession in physics and a personal occupation in philosophy. Therefore, I bring another individual desperate to become the next Einstein. But, how many other Einstein wannabes are there? A mere few, perhaps.

Truly, however, as a servant of Christ, I wish to share way, truth and life with my future peers at the University of Notre Dame. I believe that, in light of the enthusiasm of the Messiah's beneficiaries to spread the good news, for they "were saved" (the blind, the mute, the deaf, the possessed, the sinful, the dishonest, the dead of Israel), if I truly love the people around me, I should share the joy of Christ with others; I must help them come to understand the prime value of the spiritual life, a personal outlook which is so rare in our postmodern society that those who lead it are mistaken for aliens. I truly believe that my enrollment would strengthen the diversity at Notre Dame. Besides, colleges have never accepted Martians to their school before.

you should put nestled in the heart


Just my opinion but I would say Here, religion is merely a Sunday...
the word "just" sounds a bit too colloquial


Instead of but, I would use "however" and the sentence could be revised to flow for a better read


I'm pretty sure you are trying to say how your existence or something similar is not the unique part but how you going about living it is, which is the lifestyle. The diction sounds just a bit funny when you read it.


you probably wrote this to exemplify how you show your teachers courtesy but unless you're going for word count, it's not necessary


even if it does not belong to me


I wish to share they way of truth and life


this is very meaningful sentence however, it's too squished. Try breaking it down into individual sentences or at least in half

Overall, I can say that the essay is very religious and apparently caters to exactly what kind of student Notre Dame wants. I would just go over the grammar but over all idea and desire to set yourself apart as avid student and a loyal follower shines through the essay :)

I am sooo confused. God/Christianity and Martians? This went totally over my head.
I think you need to establish some background and use vivid details in your essay; Perhaps show it to a few other people and ask them what they think and if they understand the essay...

Its somewhat confusing... I had to go over it a few times to really understand it... ur spiritual side really shines though, but you need to give a little more background info