"Nursing and the naval reserve" - Contribution to Student Life Personal Statement

Hello everyone I am to make a personal statement regarding what I can contribute to the student life and need help and grammar. Thank you very much:

Max Word: 250

Nursing and the naval reserve share a lot of things in common in order to be an effective unit. Both value team work to accomplish a given task efficiently. Also both value a person's ability and willingness to assume a leadership role, whenever the need arises. As a peer councilor I am trained to provide support to peers who have questions about sex, sexuality, LGBTQ and sexual health. I am also trained to happily refer peers to proper services, clinics, support groups and resources within the university environment and the community at large. A valuable resource for those who have basic questions on the given topics and are afraid or shy to go to a clinic. As a graduate of technical school in the field of Automation and Robotics I received extensive training on the fields of hydraulics, pneumatics, electronics and electricity. Fields that have wide ranging application including nursing. Hydraulic and pneumatic principles are essential when dealing with bodily fluids. Electrical principles are essential when dealing with brain and heart activities. Electronic principles are heavily utilized in both the operation and maintenance of equipments heavily used in healthcare environments. As a member of a visible minority I can further add to the multicolor diversity. I can offer insight into Asian cultures, values, and perspectives. As a student of mathematics I can happily offer assistance to others having trouble with mathematical concepts such as derivatives, integrations and statistics to name a few. A very useful skill to have since it is heavily utilized in nursing when it comes to determining such things as blood pressure, flow and period just to name a few.

You have contained most of what you need to have in here, I would just say that "As a" is kinda overused. If you can you do that, it might add some 'voice' into your essay, which would help it to flow better.

Thanks Codric for the input = )