Can you help me with this essay please
This is my topic:
This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is relevant to the course(s) that you are applying for admission.
As there is a space limit of 2,000 characters for your input in this section, you are encouraged to present your thoughts clearly.
Here is my essay:
Both my mom and dad are teachers at top school,my brother was a top student of a top university in Japan,born in to such a family gave my shouder a lot of high expectation.Thing always the same:top school you must be mine.
With all that expectation on my shoulder,I started to study for my enchance exam for Ha Noi-Amsterdam(Ams) highschool-top highschool in my country.First I join a private class of a teacher from Ams that train student who want to enroll in to that top highschool with a success rate of 90%.Then I keep training,keep learning,keep doing hard exercise with the beautiful dream of being accepted.And finally,that day has come.I failed,my hard work failed me.The sky seem to have fallen and the earth seem to have gone to the space.I don't even know what have I done in the following month.Later when I asks my family, they all say that I looked like a zombie back then.
But no matter how much I wanted to change the fact that I failed,what done is done,there is nothing I can do to change it.A month later,I found myself in another highschool.At first,I don't feel like study at all.But as time passed by,with my family encouragement,I finally snap out of it.I know that this isn't the end of the earth,I know that there still a bright future for me somewhere and I will reach it with all my mind and body.Once again,I keep working hard and expect a beautiful ending.
However,this time,My determination and hardworking didn't fail me.I got an honor mention medal for Physics at city level.Ironicly,when I fail,I fail miserablely,but when I success,I win big.I got in to my city's physics team and got myself another medal at national level.
To be honest,I never expect to gain that much.But through all these thing,I have learned something.Hardwork and determination will help you achive your goal,even if you fail at some point,keep working hard and you will still achive your ultimate goal.
Thanks for all your help
It has quite a few gramatical errors so I tried to fix some of them in the beginning and make it sound better. Hope this helps
Both my mom and dad are teachers at top schools,my brother was a brilliant student of a top university in Japan. Being born in to such a family put me under the pressure of high expectations. My aim has always been the same:top school you must be mine.
With all that expectation on my shoulder,I started to study for my enchanced exam for Ha Noi-Amsterdam(Ams) highschool-top highschool in my country.First I joined a private class of a teacher from Ams that trained students who want to enroll into that top highschool with a success rate of 90%.
Hello Hoang, I'll help with some of those grammatical errors, and I hope you practice typing and speaking every sentence 10 times so that your brain will be reprogrammed with correct grammar:
Both my mom and dad are teachers at top prestigious schools, and my brother was a top student of a (name of university) in Japan.
Being born into such a family gave me a lot of high expectations to satisfy.
Things always the same in my family with regard to education: The top school must be mine.
The sky seemed to have fallen, and the earth seemed to have gone to space.
I don't even know what have I done I did in the following month.
Later when I asks asked my family, they all said I looked like a zombie back then.
Ironicly,when I fail,I fail miserably, but when I success succeed, I win in a big way.
Hard work and determination will help you achive me to achieve my goal, and even if I fail at some point I will keep working hard and still achieve my ultimate goal.
:-)
