So I held on doing these until the last minute. Any sort of help is appreciated. :)
#1:What factors have influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College? What intrigues you about Barnard's approach to the liberal arts and sciences?
I walked through the black iron gates and stood flabbergasted. I did not know whether or not I was still in New York City because I had never seen such green leaves and beautiful flowers before. Considering that I was still in New York City and the campus was quiet, I automatically fell in love with Barnard. The location was what captured my attention immediately; it all looked like a different world. Along with my counselor from the Harlem Educational Activities fund, I attended the HEOP Breakfast held at Barnard. At the breakfast, I learned more about Barnard and its small community and once again, I knew that this was the place for me. I will thrive in small seminar classes and Barnard gives me just that. Barnard will encourage my desire to become a well-rounded person with it's approach to the liberal arts education and the Nine Ways of Knowing. Barnard's partnership with Columbia University will provide me with the best of both worlds: the quiet intimacy and prestige of Barnard and the massive bustle of Columbia's challenging campus. Although I grew up in the city, Barnard will be able to expand my horizons and expose me to all that New York City has to offer.
#2:Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
"Why do you always carry that book around?" David asked me one day. Writing is the only way I can make myself feel better when my day is not going so great or if life is not going right. If I could sit down with one woman in history and talk for an hour, I would choose Mary Higgins Clark. Ms. Clark is also a writer who went through a numerous amount of struggles in her life that were similar to mine. This includes moving into a small apartment once losing her father. Like her, I have had difficult living circumstances throughout my life, especially when I was in my sophomore and junior year of high school. I would like to talk to Ms. Clark about her struggles and how she overcame them. She was a very determined person and even though she went through a lot of difficulty, she triumphed and became a successful writer.
#3:Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.
I "majored in unafraid" when I overcame my fear of public speaking. I was running for student body secretary and had to make a speech to the high school in the cafeteria. While waiting for Mrs.Turnbull to hand me the microphone, I was focused on everything but the speech itself ran through my mind. There are too many people here. What if they don't listen? My hands were sweaty and I kept looking around wondering what I had gotten myself into. All of those eager faces, waiting to hear what I had to say, were staring at me. I got up and took the microphone but it was not working. Embarrassed, I stuffed my hands into my pockets and started mumbling through my speech. I was talking when someone called out "Talk Louder!" I became more nervous and raised the tone of my voice but after a minute or two, I realized that people were actually listening. I relaxed. I could do this! I could do this! The applause was not just a figment of my imagination. The high school students actually liked my ideas. I did it. I wanted to make a change in the school. This strong point in my speech helped me win the election. Participating in Student Government made me realize I was not just another face in the crowd and I could have my ideas put into effect; my voice could finally be heard.
#4:Community-educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other-can define an individual's experience and influence her journey, How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?
As I walked down the hallway to the College Quest office, everyone says hi to me. "High-Five!" Mr. Nico says once I come in through the door. "Hey Mary. Congratulation!" Aneicka tells me when I announce my college acceptances. "You did great!" Tyler says as he skims through my latest report card. I smile because I actually feel proud of what I have done. These people actually care about my accomplishments. Not everyone can say they have someone who is dedicated to making sure they succeed. Ever since I was accepted into the Harlem Educational Activities Fund my freshman year in high school, I have felt like I belonged. The HEAF community has welcomed me with open arms and has helped me with any inquiry I might have had. Not only did they introduce me to important topics needed for success in college but they inspired me to work harder to get to where I want to go: college. After freshman year, I was able to do public speaking exercises without being embarrassed. I was able to relate to other young adults who were also passionate about their futures. As a member of the Youth Leadership Council, I was able to show off my leadership and planning skills by planning a community diversity awareness event along with other high school students. HEAF also helped me gain awareness of the environment and I was able to create my own environmentally-friendly product. HEAF has and always will be one of the reasons why I became passionate about college.
#5:Applicants for the HEOP Scholars Program: Why are you interested in the Arthur O. Eve Higher Education Opportunity Program? What do you hope to achieve by participating in this program?
I am interested in the Higher Education Opportunity Program because of the many benefits that come with being a HEOP student. As a HEOP student, I would be offered many different kinds of academic resources which include loan programs for books, laptops and calculators. This interests me mostly because I know that these resources will help me succeed academically. But HEOP also provides other kinds of support like outings and activities that will help fellow HEOP students and I explore our surroundings and expand our knowledge outside of academic areas. By participating in the Higher Education Opportunity Program I hope to get the most out of my time at Barnard. I know that with HEOP's endless amount of resources and their help, I will leave Barnard with a sense of accomplishment and the overall feeling of success.
Awesome answers! You really come across as sincere. The only part that I thought could be improved was number 3. Here it is now:
I "majored in unafraid" when I overcame my fear of public speaking. I was running for student body secretary and had to make a speech to the high (maybe use "whole" instead?) school in the cafeteria. While waiting for Mrs.Turnbull to hand me the microphone, I was focused on everything but the speech itself ran through my mind (this part is unclear) . ' There are too many people here. What if they don't listen?' My hands were sweaty and I kept looking around, wondering what I had gotten myself into. All of those eager faces, waiting to hear what I had to say, were staring at me. I got up and took the microphone but it was not working. Embarrassed, I stuffed my hands into my pockets and started mumbling through my speech. I was talking when someone called out "Talk Louder!" I became more nervous and raised the tone of my voice, but after a minute or two, I realized that people were actually listening. I relaxed. I could do this! I could do this! The applause was not just a figment of my imagination - the high school students actually liked my ideas. I did it. I wanted to make a change in the school. This strong point in my speech helped me win the election (slightly off-topic?) . Participating in Student Government made me realize I was not just another face in the crowd and I could have my ideas put into effect; my voice could finally be heard.
I think you should describe your emotions concerning public speaking in more detail, especially how you felt after you'd gotten such a positive response from the student body. Maybe elaborate on your fears (like "anxiety raced through me like Road Runner with his behind on fire" haha), and use very personal words, like "triumphant" or "relieved" or "elated".
Also, "As I walked down the hallway to the College Quest office, everyone says hi to me." should be "As I walk down the hallway to the College Quest office, everyone says hi to me." Be careful of tense changes. Those always get me, annoying little buggers.
Good job and good luck :)
though i enjoyed reading it, i think(only my opinion) you missed the question:
shaped your perspective
PRESPECTIVE...
I think that you have written this very well. One suggestion--> you don't introduce the person you want to meet until the fourth or fifth line (half way through the paragraph)
I don't think that the introduction is perfect. You don't say explicitly how the journal relates to the person. You could make the connection by stating something like "My writing is influenced by Ms.Clark", but otherwise your essay is quite powerful.
Wow, I liked it. It is well-written response which answers the prompt nicely.
The only problem I have with it is the beginning I "majored in unafraid" when I overcame my fear of public speaking. I believe, as prospective college students, we have reached a level where that style of writing (I majored in the unafraid when...., I am applying because..., etc) is unnecessary. I think for stylistic purposes, I'd start the response at "My heart was racing...."
everything but the speech itself ran through my mind. <----- I like this and I don't want you to cut it out so I suggest
My heart was racing and everything but the speech itself ran through my mind;I kept thinking "There are too many people here. What if they don't listen?"....
How's that?
i agree with the comment before. i applied to Barnard as well. more than talking about being helpful and having leadership skill, talk about how it has helped you become those things. how it has helped you explore more about yourself, and that is why you want to go to college, not just to be successful. I think a more simple, less example laid back approach would be better.
