Hi,
firist time using this, any help or comment or critiqueing is welcomed and appreciated!!!!
Thanks!
I only finished 3 questions for now and just some ideas for the other two.
1.In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
I completed English 11 in summer school to enable me to take English 12 this year and therefore graduate on time. I also prepared for the SAT test in October. After all the hard work my family went to New York, Philadelphia and Washington D.C. to see some college and relax. We coincidently saw Ted Kennedy's on Constitution Ave NW while in D.C, and saw Don Lemon beside a CNN van. Toward the end of the trip, I visited NYU. Though Stern School of Business was still renovating at that time, my heart stayed into the underground classroom the forever.
2.Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.
I want to attend Stern School of Business, and I know it's THE place for me from bottom of my heart. I am applying to Arts & Science first to continue my interest for economics, then if possible I will try to transfer to Stern as I become more qualified. Right now I can see myself wondering in Bronx Zoo and watching Phantom of the Opera on a Sunday night in Majestic Theater with my new friends from different places over the world. I am ready to rediscover NYU and Big Apple, ( I love NYU)Pick me.
The sentence in racket is my second option. Which sentence should I use, or both maybe?
3.Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
I am the shot clock, way above the game. (too ...weird? I don't know how I got that)
-I am the 2nd Paul Potts ( what if AO doesn't know who paul potts is?)
-Big fish in small pond
4.If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)
umm.... a date with Rachael in Friends was my first thought
need to work on this
5.In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.
not anything yet
*I really love NYU and I've been there, I kinda want it to show the Admission Officers. Don't know these kind of answers will work?
Again, anything is appreciated!!!
Thank you!
First two started out okay, just replace some of the junk. The third one, just start over. Sit down. THINK for half an hour, WRITE for ten minutes, it'll be much better than what you have now
Thanks a million！
I read it and I see them as crap too now that I let it sit for one day.
I want to represent myself as confident and ready and hard working etc etc, but not very good at expressing myself yet I guess...
Thank you very much for your advice, I will start over.
If you need any help(I doubt you need any) or suggestion... Let me know :)
