This is the answer to the second essay prompt! Please help me check it :)
Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.
The shoes would have to be Yves Saint Laurent. I could see myself striding down Wall Street in designer pumps with the wind triumphantly blowing my hair as I swiftly hail a taxi for a corporate business function at a swanky restaurant. However, this fantasy changed after witnessing my stepfather start his company. Just two years ago, my stepfather was asking me for company name suggestions; his language school business now collects over 250 students from over 8 countries around the world. His job is hardly glamorous - on certain days, he would sit in his chair, face unshaven, wearily reviewing reports. I, the unpaid secretary, was thrust with tasks that included designing a company logo, replying emails, writing letters, and fetching an occasional cup of coffee. With every minute spent on the business, I became more magnetically drawn to it. I was a part of the business body: when the company faced woes, I was troubled; when it grew, I felt the same sense of pride and fulfillment that compelled my stepfather to become completely committed to his work.
The Stern School of Business is a body composed of Nobel Prize winners, CEO alumni, and eclectic students bursting with potential. It gives student the opportunity to lead through programs such as the International Studies Program. Being a part of Stern will give me the confidence and experience I need in order to become a part of business bodies - and eventually lead them - with or without Yves Saint Laurent heels.
So i think your fantasy angle works extremely well. The heels make it funny and personal. I think it provides good contrast also because you're applying to Stern, not the most subjective place. You place emphasis on your experience without trumpeting it about.
Also I think you should maybe focus more on exactly why Stern would be so good for you.
The Stern School of Business is a body composed of Nobel Prize winners, CEO alumni, and eclectic students bursting with potential. It gives student the opportunity to lead through programs such as the International Studies Program. <- really general. you should scrap that replace it with more reasons on why stern appeals to YOU.
Thanks guys, I've fixed up the last paragraph and made it pretty specific. Have a look:
At Stern, team projects account for 30% of the workload - twice as much as other prestigious universities. Along with the numerous internship opportunities in the city, they will will help me acquire experience in the competitive field of business. Stern's impressive 291 courses and specialized programs will prepare me for the unexpected obstacles in my future work, and its solid network of established alumni will provide me with reliable connections and support to further me in my future career.
I really enjoy the slightly narrative point of view on this piece and the shoes do add a clever, personal touch. All is well but I think you could use a little bit more focus on the "how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York". Best of luck!!
