PROMPT: NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?
I wrote three different responses. There's a 500 character limit, so I wrote a bunch of different leads. Please tell me which segments of which essays are the best so I can make the best essay. Or just pick one best essay and elaborate on it for me. THANK YOU
#1I consider myself, to an extent, sheltered from what the world ha s to offer. It's unrealistic to travel to each region of the world, but studying at NYU will affect to make me more versed with the on-goings of the world. NYU is the premier model of diversity, a true salad bowl representing every kind of person. I want to meet new kinds of people and through those experiences, strive to become well-versed in many different cultures.
#2NYU's immense student population and diversity, coupled with its top-notch study abroad program makes it the premier place for a student to become well-versed with different cultures. I desire to learn more, and I imagine that every student that experiences NYU has his or her eyes opened to many different cultures in NYU.
#3Can I have an NYU salad bowl with some Italian dressing? A bit corny, but NYU is truly the premier school to become better acquainted with different cultures. I have a cousin that is at NYU and she is making lots of new friends with lots of different backgrounds. I imagine I will have the same experience.
1. It's pretty good, but I would elaborate more on what the prompt asks.
2. Basically similar to no. 1, but phrased different.
3. It sounds awkward to me and don't talk about your cousin.
Basically, you need to answer what the prompt is asking. You're saying that NYU is diverse. They know that. Speak a little bit more on specific instances that you can imagine would change you. Your problems are that you are too broad, too vague. Narrow down what you want to say. And answer the question.
Sorry if I sound harsh! But yeah, just tryna help you out.
BTW, if you can read mine... That'd be awesome.
Personally, I like #1 the best... with a few changes it would sound really good!
I consider myself, to an extent, sheltered from what the world has to offer. It's unrealistic to travel to each region of the world, but studying at NYU will affect to make me more versed with the on-goings of the world.( try rewording the italicized portion.. it sounds a bit confusing) NYU is the premier model of diversity, a true salad bowl representing every kind of person. I want to meet new kinds of people and through those experiences, strive to become well-versed in many different cultures.
I like number 1 the best. The only thing is using the image of a salad bowl representing diversity is used a lot so I would try to think of a different image to use to represent diversity.
I think I'm going to have to join with the others. #1 does seem to fit the prompt the best. It's not as stiff and number 2, and not as awkward as 3. I'd expand on that one.
Ooh, and that's just about the character limit, isn't it? -_- I hate that.
But, I think 1's a winner. Just try to fit in something about you yourself, on a more personal level. What diversity have you seen? How do you think diversity changes a person? etc, etc.
a true salad bowl representing every kind of person -- this is a bit strangely phrased.
Altogether, I think you did really well for the character limit.
Thank you guys so much! I really appreciate it I'll reply with an edited version of #1. Thank y'all. Merry Christmas x4!