Here's my essay! About 5 months of changes and drafts, this is it. I'm applying with Early Decision 2, and I'd appreciate any comments, advice and feedback. Rate it out of 10 if you will. Thank you! :) I also didn't mention Steinhardt on the essay itself because they'll already see it on my application (and my major I'm applying to, being applied psych) and I didn't find it particularly necessary.
WHY NYU?
Walking through the world's largest metropolis to get to class, studying for hours on end in Bobst Library, waking up to the sparkling skyline of New York City, and creating lifelong friendships are only small parts of what I expect my experience at New York University to be like. While to some, my hometown of Dhaka is unknown, New York is a city the whole world knows, and admires. The unique and world class "education outside an education" (Angela Holloway '98), and networks with New York City and NYU's global campuses are things I have fallen in love with, and are aspects I can not expect to find in any other university.
The education at NYU will assist me to reach out towards all of my interests, and being integrated in the New York City atmosphere will make it all the more valuable. I love psychology, and it has been my sole passion throughout my high school career, but I also love studies in media culture, from a perspective of fashion and beauty. My interests toward all of these faculties make it hard to let any go. The different courses throughout the school will give me the chance to major in Psychology - branching into psychiatry, while still having the chance to study several media courses for a minor; such as Media Culture and Communications at Steinhardt, or even the cross-school BEMT minor.
NYU is known for their global campus. The study abroad program would give me literally a world of options to take my classes in, from Manhattan to Buenos Aires, Madrid, or Accra. Studying in Kuala Lumpur during high school widened my horizons, and inspired me to learn about all the diverse cultures, and with NYU's global locations, and openness to cultures and diversity I can continue my journey to grow and learn - as an NYU student.
From academically diverse communities in my schools, to the amazing campus, and flexibility in the courses offered, my extroverted personality can only flourish in NYU. I can no longer imagine a college experience that would be more perfect for the development of myself as a student, and as a person.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Hey Zahran, your 5 months of working on this essay really paid off. There are no major problems with the content of the essay. The information is right on the mark and really shows that you took the time to research and respond to the prompt without sounding like a student brochure. You should definitely be proud of the work you did on this paper.
If I were to critique one minute part of the essay, it would be the paragraph where you speak of the branches of NYU. While you made it clear that you are expecting to attend NYU in New York but also mentioned that you were open to the possibility of attending any of the NYU international campuses. I believe that you ought to be consistent and really take pride in attending NYU - NY as matter of pride and principle. After all, you already described the NY community of NYU in the beginning of the essay.
The question is not simply "Why NYU" in this instance. It is all about attending one of the international campuses of the university. So make sure you opt for a campus to attend and portray the reasons for that in the essay. Don't confuse the reviewer by indicating an international campus and leaving it at that.
@Holt
Hi! Thank you for your feedback I really appreciated it! While I'll think about what you critiqued, I'm actually talking about their global locations with respect to their study abroad program, which is basically when you get to spend a semester of your year in a different campus depending on what your major has to offer. So essentially, I am adamant to attend NYU in NY but open to spending a semester in a different campus, vs all my college years, so i won't really be attending any of their global campuses, but to me a semester in a different location seems very appealing hence why I mentioned it!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 4780 Then, since the essay is all about why you wish to attend NYU, you should use that statement to further develop your response to the essay. Indicating that you would be willing to attend any of the NYU campuses overseas indicates that you are looking for more than just a localized education. That is something that could possibly work in your favor during the assessment.
Since the study abroad program is a notable offering of the university, why not pick one of the overseas university campuses, in relation to your major, and discuss how that semester abroad can help you become a better graduate of your major? Surely there is a specific overseas program that is of interest to you right? Then discuss how that semester abroad would benefit you specifically, hence your choice to attend NYU - NY. Connect the dots and you will end up with a well rounded statement regarding your choice of university.
