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NYU Supplement - English Exchange experience in school

trishhha 8 / 23  
Dec 13, 2011   #1
NYU Supplement #2 Prompt: Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Please help with grammar issues and structure! And any comments are appreciated! Thank you :)

Waking up to freshly baked scones with clotted cream and strawberry jam dabbed on top with tea and crumpets may have seemed like the stereotypical English breakfast; however, it was what I ate at 6:35 every morning for those two weeks with my host family in Kimbolton, England. After spending approximately twenty five minutes eating breakfast, which was way longer than my usual two minutes on my daily chocolate milk, we departed for school. Pulling into what seemed like an elongated driveway, we approached a medieval castle which they called "school." The students aligned themselves in queue at the castle gate for morning assembly in their striped blazer uniforms; girls in skirts, boys in slacks. Though I have visited England before, no commercial tour compared to the experience of attending school in a formal English environment.

My trip to England only strengthened my desire to study business in the most prestigious schools in which I will be granted the opportunity to study abroad and gain global experience. The study abroad programs at NYU greatly inspire me when I think of having the opportunity to study in any of these eminent cities around the world. Studying in these cities will allow me to increase my understanding of numerous cultures, which are essential in today's global economy.

Maybe if I go NYU's campus in Shanghai, I can accept eating youtiou for breakfast instead of my daily chocolate milk!
nickrpeterson - / 2  
Dec 13, 2011   #2
I don't see any errors, just remember a college admissions essay should be around 250 words (4 paragraphs) and try to convey the message of who and what you are, how you write, etc. It looks good!
collegesearcher 3 / 20  
Dec 13, 2011   #3
I really like your style, except that most admission offices focus on the content more than the style, and I agree with Nick. It should be less generic and the "why NYU" question must be answered more directly. The way you started the essay is good; try to diversify without digressing.

Great job, all in all :)
gkim2719 - / 6  
Dec 13, 2011   #4
Such a simple and dainty piece! I really love your opening paragraph :)

You clearly sound very cultured and interested in gaining" a global experience" like you said, but I think you need to expand more on why you want to study business at NYU. To me, it sounds like you're leaning more towards a foreign studies field rather than business...
lee235717 - / 16  
Dec 18, 2011   #5
To be honest, you don't really answer the prompt at all. Based on what you wrote, it seems as if you would be satisfied with studying at any prestigious university around the world. There is no focus on your major.

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