Hey all, here is my second supplement for NYU. It's a bit rough, and I would love to receive critique and comments on it. It's also about 500 characters over the character count limit, so any advice on where to cut things down would be appreciated. Thank you!
What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.
Thud! I watched the newspaper get tossed into my driveway, waiting to get picked up. Before the weather could wreak havoc and smudge the ink, I quickly snatched the bundle and cradled it as I walked back into my house. I plopped onto the couch and opened the pages to a new world.
Ever since my family began ordering the San Jose Mercury News five years ago, I have spent at least an hour everyday reading about local and worldwide events.
Why rely on newspapers when there are headlines I can skim through on the Yahoo! homepage? I have a simple answer: I like to sit down and hold news in my hands, to carefully contemplate and absorb the minute details of what I have read. By learning new news every day, I have learned to consider multiple perspectives and recognize that no one point of view is superior to another, just different. For me, I feel more connected to these events if I cam physically touch the articles. Through this bond, my "experiences" from Uganda to City Hall spring alive from the crisp, low-grade paper.
In this world filled with technological baubles and gadgets, it's easy for most to access news within several clicks and taps. However, the newspaper industry still thrives, mostly in part by loyal customers who, by natural instinct, find time to grab a cup of coffee and sit down with a newspaper in hand. With such a paper, I can quickly jump from an article about the death of Steve Jobs to a story lauding a local hero in my community. Altogether, this physical copy brings news together in a way that websites cannot. It keeps the reader connected to the actual content, creating a wonderful combination of past and present.
Nice essay, a little cheesy at points. NYU does like the creative essays, though.
Change "new news"...
Diction: "plopped," "wreak havok" is overused, "opened the pages to a new world"; this phrase doesn't have to be covered in cheese. Make it more practical. Or, cut it out.
And for God's sake, will somebody look over my Phirst Draught! I need this stuff done toNIGHT!
I liked it. I don't think a lot of kids read the newspaper anymore, so hopefully you'll stand out!
Hahaha, I like how you're intrigued by the newspaper :)
The word "get" is overused, try finding a more appropriate word for it.
I really liked it!!
I like it a lot! I don't think a lot of people actually read newspapers these days, and it's nice that you describe their sentimental value.
Other than that, I can't really think of anything to say, looks great to me!
Good luck! :)
Your use of onomatopoeia in the beginning of your essay, it really made the essay jump! As for the character limit, i have a few minor suggestions. I would suggest rewording the phrase "I have a simple answer" to just "simple." i feel like that would give a more personal touch to your essay as well as delete 16 characters. I would also suggest shortening the phrase "news within several clicks and taps" to " several clicks. Lastly, I would suggest rewording, "In this world filled with technological baubles and gadgets" to "With technology at their fingertips." Over all, very creative!
Typo: I cam physically
I really like your style.
I just checked the character limit and its 1500 so you are fine.
i really liked it! unique and personal :)
i really liked it. very good topic. i think you should choose another word for "wreak havoc" . it seems a bit contrived.
other than that this is great!
if you have time, can you please take a look at my Rice essay?
