Here are part of the supplements for NYU and Lehigh. Any kind of feed back would be great, especially for the poem and movie- are they too vague/should i just completely start over?
1. In our ever-changing society, people have defined 'equity' and 'community' in many different ways. How do you define these terms and what are the implications of equity and community for our 21st century society?
Equity and community are like two magnets of opposite charges, both attracted to each other. A community, a group people joined together by a certain trait, work together to reach a greater good for the people involved. Many times, this greater good is equity, or fairness. Without equity, there would be no community since the people would not have a goal to work towards. When I think of community, I see all as equal since all are joined by similarities. Thus, equity must exist to form communities.
Today, equity and community are still too far apart for the attraction to fully connect. Yet, each day communities work towards bringing themselves closer to their counterpart and goal, to make the world a better place where no one has to worry about the consequences of being the "minority." Hopefully one day soon these ends will meet, repelling the negativity that is still in place today and make a more positive world.
2. Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
Swirls of blue and grey haze
fade away
Eyes now wide, she is engulphed in red
As it runs through her veins, her soul
she turns her nighttime hazes into clear stone
or maybe
She is-
like a tiger
chasing her prey to feed her never ceasing hunger
like a bud
roots in the ground, still blossoming into an everlasting sequoia
like a mantle clock
small in stature, immensely intricate inside
-I don't know if either are personal enough.
3. In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.
I don't have a title yet, but-
" " is a suspense/drama of the life of Elizabeth Mohammed, renowned scientist. After graduating from NYU, she leads a happy life, marrying her lovely husband and working for a large research company; working on a cure for debilitating diseases. One day while taking photographs for a charity auction, she captures a man dumping a large trash bag into the river. Knowing something is not right, Elizabeth heads home as the suspecting man glares at her. The next day she finds her lab trashed- all traces of her research in ruin, her camera gone. Can she find the killer and start from scratch to rebuild her life's work and find a cure?
It's only a rough idea, but already over the 500 character limit. Any way to shorten it? Should I leave the rest a question, or should I give more away?
Thanks so much for reading this, sorry it's a little long!
I like your first answer a lot, though maybe you would want to point out what you mean by equity too. I do not agree, for example that community and equity should meet if equity has the sense of communism, but I totally embrace it in the democratic meaning (equity in possibilities, then it depends from the person how he manages them and if he profits from them)
About the second question, I definitely prefer the first poem, though I do not know how much you relate yourself to it... I guess the idea is that you can reveal sth about yourself through your poem, not just that you can write well
About the third, I guess it is an interesting idea. If you want to shorten it, you can take off the part: she leads a happy life, marrying her lovely husband and working for a large research company;, it does not add much to your paragraph.
I hope I helped and please, help me in my essay, if you can :)
Thanks for the advice, I just checked your essay out too. I hope I helped a little!
I have no clue on 1, I'm kind of a dummy and had to look up "equity"! It sounds good and convincing, though, I like it.
Regarding the poems, though, I'd go for the second. The first sounds deeper and stylistically refined, I think, but it also seems somewhat ambiguous. I can't get much of an image of who you are from it. Even if the second doesn't sound as composed, it progresses more easily and shows more determination, potential, complexity--all of which are characteristics I assume you'd want shown.
Of course it could just be a question of preference--I don't like deep poems. :o
and three:
" " is a suspense/drama of the life of Elizabeth Mohammed, renowned scientist. After graduating from NYU, she leads a happy life, marrying her lovely husband and working for a large research company; change to another comma, I think, and/or add an "and" working on a cure for debilitating diseases. One day while taking photographs for a charity auction, she captures captures as in sees him or assaults him? I know what you mean, but the word choice could be improved a man dumping a large trash bag into the river. Knowing something is not right, Elizabeth heads home as the suspecting man glares at her. The next day she finds her lab trashed- all traces of her research in ruin, her camera gone if word count is a big issue than ignore this, but the effect could be greater with one more point--say, equipment destroyed, something like that . Can she find the killer wait, who got killed? D: and start from scratch to rebuild her life's work and find a cure?
overall it's an interesting plot and shows potential and suspense! I guess just be careful of multiple meanings and plot holes. The impact could be improved on but again, if word count is an issue I wouldn't fuss over it much.
Hope that helps? also, thanks for commenting on mine. c:
