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Why NYU? "New York is dynamic melting pot full of inspiration"


rrolle 3 / 8  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
Is there anything I should add? Anything I should take out? Any type of feedback is greatly appreciated.

When you get past the bright lights and fast pace, New York is dynamic melting pot full of inspiration. It's no wonder millions of people go there to fulfill their dreams, their aspirations. Coming from Miami, I wouldn't be able to settle for anything less than a big city atmosphere and they don't call New York "The Big Apple" for nothing. Not only that, Miami is also ethnically diverse so waking up to anything less that just wouldn't work. I've been exposed to multiple walks of life. I've learned so much from each and every person I've met. I want to continue my pursuit in learning from unique people.

My college search was a little bit backwards. I searched for where I wanted my future college to be located first. I believe that the environment you surround yourself with is vital for growth. New York University's campus location offers the best experiences such as internships and many networking possibilities within stone's throw. NYU Steinhardt's media, culture, and communications program provides the rigorous coursework needed in challenging any aspiring student and stimulating their growth.

While I've only visited New York once, something about it just clicked. I felt like I found another place I could call home. I need an active, colorful environment in order to remain motivated and inspired. The hustle and bustle is what I live for. New York University has everything I need to thrive and prosper.
rosomp - / 11  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
Nicely done! However, I do think that you should keep as much focus on the school as possible, so mention the ethnic diversity of the campus, not just the city. Other than that, I don't see anything else worth correcting.
appliCAN 6 / 18  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
New York isadynamic melting pot

Say dreams or aspirations- I don't think you need both (keep if you really want to, though)

I wouldn't be able to settle for anything less than a big city atmosphere,and they don't call New York "The Big Apple" for nothing

Not only that, Miami is also ethnically diverse so waking up to anything less that just wouldn't work. --phrasing is repetitive, and ethnic diversity could be incoorporated elsewhere.

such asthrough

I felt like I had found

Very unique- especially like your take on the college search, just make sure you really play up academic rep if you go with that
OP rrolle 3 / 8  
Dec 30, 2011   #4
Nicely done! However, I do think that you should keep as much focus on the school as possible, so mention the ethnic diversity of the campus, not just the city. Other than that, I don't see anything else worth correcting.

Not only that, Miami is also ethnically diverse so waking up to anything less that just wouldn't work.--phrasing is repetitive, and ethnic diversity could be incoorporated elsewhere.

I cut out that sentence entirely. How does this sound?

When you get past the bright lights and fast pace, New York is a dynamic melting pot full of inspiration. It's no wonder millions of people go there to fulfill their aspirations. Coming from Miami, I wouldn't be able to settle for anything less than a big city atmosphere, and they don't call New York "The Big Apple" for nothing. I've been exposed to multiple walks of life. I've learned so much from each and every person I've met. I want to continue my pursuit in learning from unique people not only in the city but in NYU's diverse campus as well.

just make sure you really play up academic rep if you go with that

NYU Steinhardt's media, culture, and communications program provides the rigorous coursework needed in challenging any aspiring student and stimulating their growth. As a persevering student, this exceptional program will push me to perform beyond my greatest capabilities.

Is this any better?

P.S. Thank you so much!
appliCAN 6 / 18  
Dec 30, 2011   #5
WOW!!! So much better! The AOs will love that you mentioned Steinhardt. Just wouldn't put perform beyond greatest capabilities- doesn't really make sense when you think about it (nit-picky, I know). this program will certainly bring out the best of my qualities or something along those lines.
OP rrolle 3 / 8  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
Thank you! :D


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