Okay so I decided to post a thread of the entire supplement, but I would like it if I could have attention placed especially on Prompt 4, and Prompt 1. Thanks!
Oh yeah, and if you critique me I'll critique you!
If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)
If I could spend a day with any New Yorker it'd be Matt Murdock, lawyer during the day and superhero Daredevil at night. With my sights on a future in the justice system, who better to talk to than a man who both practices and enforces the law? Over lunch we'd sit and discuss the inner workings of justice, how it saves lives, and the ethics behind it. We'd go to a trial so I could see law being interpreted, and at night when Matt dons his crimson tights we'd pursue criminals and aid the police.
Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
I dream of seeing sights Magellan's Victoria never saw.
I yearn to be freer than Daedalus on the wind
I long to find love Darcy and Bennett never found
I aim to be for justice what Wyatt Earp never was
I aspire to achieve what Carnegie never could
I strive to be strong where even Heracles never strode
They all have their stories
I shall have mine.
In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (I'm still working on a name for this, suggestions would be nice)
_____As a boy Nick Ogasa dreamed of having adventures like those of Crockett and Crusoe. Yet it wouldn't be until much later that he would realize his life was an adventure of its own. ____tells the tale of a man driven to bring peace and balance to the world, his rise from special agent to Director of the FBI, his take down of history's most notorious serial killer, his assumption as Secretary General of INTERPOL, and how he virtually ended human trafficking and terrorism on Earth.
Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.
Two summers ago I began reading books about Zen philosophies. I became fascinated with its basic yet universal concepts, such as how everything is connected and that form equals emptiness. I branched out into other areas of philosophy, and read anything from ethics to metaphysics. Along with my passion, and the correlation between philosophy and higher LSAT scores, I decided to make philosophy my intended major, and am looking forward to reaching a deeper understanding of it.
Oh yeah and here's another prompt, it's a short answer for NYU and I'm guessing not as important as the other prompts, but nevertheless, any comments will be much appreciated.
SHORT ANSWER: In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
Last summer was one I will never forget. First off, I read thirteen Dean Koontz novels, my favorite being Odd Thomas, and I also had wrestling practice five days a week, keeping me active. With my Boy Scout troop I went backpacking for a week in New Mexico, and I really experienced true independence. I also participated in a summer home-stay program where I traveled to Japan, lived with a family in a small fishing town, and fell in love with the country.
Nice to meet you, I am also applying to NYU =D
From what you provided, I can feel someone who likes to discover human nature and wants to make the world a better place. If this is your goal, then you successfully transferred your information to the reader!
I'll say that these essays are solid, quite unique, and definitely on-topic. Haven't spotted any significant mistake now. Also, the essays do a good job emphasizing your ethical characteristic.
If there's any change possible, I'll say try to make the tone more excited. For Example, origninally you wrote: we'd pursue criminals and aid the police. Maybe you can change it to: we'd give the criminals a tough night. My example might now be very good, but you get my point. Make your tone more delighted when appropriate. This alteration is optional because it may also be risky, and you're essay is good enough.
By the way, can you also take a look at my U Va essay? just check the 3rd prompt for me will be good enough.
Also, please check my Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline prompt for my NYU essay. (Go to post #3 not post #1)
As a boy Nick Ogasa dreamed of having adventures like those of Crockett and Crusoe. Yet it wouldn't be until much later that he would realize his life was an adventure of its own. ____tells the tale of a man driven to bring peace and balance to the world, his rise from special agent to Director of the FBI, his take down of history's most notorious serial killer, his assumption as Secretary General of INTERPOL, and how he virtually endedends human trafficking and terrorism on Earth.
Last summer was one I will never forgetToo cliche. . First off, I read thirteen Dean Koontz novels, my favorite being Odd Thomas. In order to keep myself active, I ... . With my Boy Scout troop I went backpacking for a week in New Mexico, and I really experienced true independencewhat does that mean? . I also participated in a summer home-stay program where I traveled to Japan, lived with a family in a small fishing town, and fell in love with the country.
You are saying too much in this paragraph. Concentrate on one thing and own it. I like how you read thirteen Dean Koontz novels, maybe you can explain why? Concentrate on one thing you did and own that story.
I love all of your NYU short essays except the summer one(I hate the summer one, it doesn't show creativity..sometime NYU values).
Can you critique my common app essay :
All your responses are good and creative, especially your poetry one. However, your first and fourth responses don't really go. In one you say you want to be a lawyer and the other you want to major in philosophy. Maybe add something about the law in that response? Also, if you have room, try to add why you want a deeper understanding of philosophy. It does say you have a passion for it, but what do you want to do with it?
anticipated program- i don't really like how you say that you're partly studying philosophy for the increase in LSAT scores. It's just my opinion but saying that makes you seem superficially interested?
movie- i like your movie description. sounds very exciting and makes you seem like you have a bright future :)
i disagree with how your 1st and 4th response don't go. you state in your 4th response that you plan on majoring in philosophy to become a lawyer. that's pretty clear to me. also people can have multiple interests so i think talking about your new yorker is fine. your poem is also pretty solid
please critique my nyu supplements :]
Hey nogasa, I just realized there was no link on my post. Anyway, can you check out my common app essay(I revised your essay a couple of posts ago :D): essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/common-app-essay-embar rasing-time-answer-prompt-feedback-13779
Oh yeah and more specifically I'd like to know whether the last essay (prompt 4) has enough substance, or whether it needs more, and what direction I should try to take it. If you could help with that, I'd be much obliged.
