Please give me any feedback regarding grammar or content
Thanks :)
I'll be sure to return the favor!
In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
I obtained my first taste of college life staying at Emory University for a two-week program called ACAP (Accounting Career Awareness Program). Throughout my time there, I explored business career options, visited top accounting firms, attended classes and seminars, and finally came to the conclusion the business world was not for me. After an enlightening experience at Emory, I traveled to Europe with my family and immersed myself in diverse, foreign cultures.
If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do?
Successful, smart, and an undeniable fashionista, Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw is someone who I would love to spend a day in the Big Apple with. Strutting down the city streets, we would shop at all of Manhattan's finest stores. After and exhausting day of perusing Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choos', we would dine at a quirky café with the rest of the Sex and the City clan. Carrie's words of wisdom and Miranda's outrageous outbursts would make for great conversation and a day to remember.
In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.
At age 40, Erica appears to have it all: a successful career as a renowned doctor, and loving family and friends. However, an unexpected call sends her to a remote village in Ghana where a deadly outbreak has occurred. As she battles against the corrupt government and militia to save innocent lives, she begins to have second thoughts. She flashes back to her pass and questions her priorities. Will Erica's compassion for the poor pull her through or will she return home to her safe haven?
Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.
Science has always intrigued me. From the years of playing doctor with my little brother, watching ER and live surgeries on TLC, and winning multiple science fair awards. Since I was a child, I have applied logic. Logic directly correlates with science where I found my passion. Majoring in Biology will be the necessary stepping stone to accomplish my life-long dream of becoming a physician. NYU College of Arts and Science would more than prepare me for my journey that lies ahead.
pass
I think you meant past and they want you to give a name to your movie
From the years of playing doctor with my little brother, watching ER and live surgeries on TLC, and winning multiple science fair awards.
This is an incomplete sentence. try revising.
Overall, I like what you've written. You actually wrote about stuff that you would do with your New Yorker and incorporated what you admired about them as well. Your movie does need a title and you might want to re-check your reasons for attending NYU for grammar mistakes. Otherwise it's all good! Could you glance over my commonapp essay? It's oober long and Im trying to shorten it. thanks
Don't forget to mention a Movie story title. And my suggestion (b/c I'm applying to this as well) is that since you have the 500 word limit, try to include as much detail and information as possible. There is nothing wrong with what you've mentioned- just elaborate a bit. Good luck and please check out my essays as well thank you!
i'm sorry, it's 500 characters, disregard my latter comment.
I like this, very chic and entertaining, but consider this only as my personal opinion, I think a lot, if not too many, people will write about: Lady Gaga, Carrie Bradshaw or the casts of Sex and the City, and of course, actors/actresses of Gossip Girl.
Think about it, most people will write about shopping at Manhattan's finest stores, Broadway, Empire State of Building, blah. My point is that you don't want the readers, when it comes to your turn, feel that they already have too many of that generic piece of idea. Be different and unique, so they will not forget your essay.
Also: "perusing" is not a correct word to use in that case :). (perusing Manolo Blahnik). Try: exploring, etc.
Good job overall. I also apply to NYU :)
If you'd be kind enough to check my U of Penn supplement as well.
