starkizzlers 3 / 10 Jan 1, 2010 #1I know it lacks focus but I dont know how to cram an entire summertime of events into 500 characters. My stepfather and my mother divorced over the summer too, but I didn't think I should add that in because its somewhat depressing and its a long story. Any suggestions? criticism, help, really would be appreciated. Its due in 2 hours. @o@To kick off my summer vacation I went to Las Vegas the city of lights with my mother. Upon returning home, I took a BCIS course at Lamar High School because i wanted more space for art in my senior year schedule and continued my weekend art lessons. Soon after, I went on a trip with my father to new york, where I met my younger half brother for the first time and spent quality time with some relatives on a road trip covering much of the northeastern coast.
autogunny 3 / 72 Jan 1, 2010 #2the city of lightstake that off.. it is too cliche. Maybe you can say: Las Vegas, the land of gambling,.. something funny ;)new yorkNew Yorkand spent quality time with some relatives on a road trip covering much of the northeastern coast.I would cut that out and elaborate more on meeting your half brother.Can you critique my BU 3 words?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Jan 11, 2010 #3It doesn't matter what actually happened. What matters is how well you convince the reader that you are a motivated, serious student with big plans for the future.This is a wasted opportunity if you just list the activities. Decide on a purpose for this. Consider using this purpose I mentioned above. How can you describe your summer activities in a way that presents you as a student with incredible potential and high hopes?
