Should I talk more about the place and why rather than why I chose him? Any Critique is welcomed, harsh or otherwise :) Please and Thank you!
Prompt: If you had the chance to bring anyone, who would you bring and why? What would you share with that person? (500 characters)
He changed the world that day, with his speech "I Have a Dream". Risking not only his own life, Martin Luther Junior defied what was deemed as conventional and sent his message tenaciously. For that, he shines brighter than any light source; for that, he is my hero. More than anything, I would want to bring him to Canada, my country, and make him see his dream realized. As an immigrant to Canada, I was first worried about racial discrimination, but was blown away by the welcoming response. I want to share with him the immense change that he took part in, and the success of that revolution.
as for me, you should talk more about why you choose him, cause it'll say more about your personality
nice job!
Hi there,
I think the point that he was such and such, and he did those wonderful things is too long. You just don't need describe it so long. One or two sentences would be enough. And remaining space would be for "WHERE you would bring him and WHAT you would share with him". and please, don't forget the main point is WHY you want to bring him there. As I understood from the essay, it was "to show him that he succeeded in his endeavors"? I think there must be a greater reason, though this one is also good. You can think. In the essay lacks its impact on you or revealing of your personality. I know its hard to do it while the essay is limited, but try.
Wish you good luck.
I hope it wasn't harsh, I just like it when somebody tells everything what he think about my writing.
That was really helpful, I kinda have the same feeling as well!
Thanks so much, I'll try to revise it! don't worry, I definitely don't mind harsh comments, which yours was not.
yeah try and connect Martin Luther King Jr. and what he has done a little bit more to yourself.
Revised Version:
With his speech "I Have a Dream" Martin Luther Junior defied what was deemed as conventional and sent his message tenaciously. For that, he is my hero. More than anything, I would want to bring him to Canada, my country, a country accepting of refugees; a country where diversity roams freely, and make him see his dream realized. Because of people like him, civilians like me no longer worry about racial discrimination; I can know and love people of various skin tones; I can learn from the assorted cultures. I want to demonstrate to him the immense change that he took part in, and the success of that revolution.
this is my edited version, still thinking about that "greater reason" but i appreciate any input , thanks everyone!
