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NYU 5 Supplements "Day with Adam Richman, Haiku..etc"


rawrfest 3 / 7  
Dec 21, 2009   #1
500 Char word count for each

Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you.

Green sepals grasp, at
A blossoming rose.
I am bout to bloom.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

America's Worst Job. A little boy grins as he exchanges Pokémon cards on the playground. Another sweet deal. 2015. The boy has grown up and has traded in his cards for companies and his t-shirt for a suit. America's Worst Job details the rise of an investment banker from his humble beginnings of a paper-pushing analyst to CEO of a large banking firm. Surrounded in an environment of ravenous sycophants, can David preserve his morality or will he fall prey to the temptations of Wall St? (489/500)

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do?

A day with Adam Richman ensures amusement. Our time would comprise of sprinting from one street cart to another, sampling the various delicacies of NYC. From gyros to eggrolls, we would soon cascade with greasy goodness. Our stomachs would further ache from laughter as we retell disastrous recipes fueled by our bizarre imaginations. The streets would reverberate with our loud boisterous laughter. New York City, our own personal playground.

(444/500)

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Stemming from entrepreneurial classes, I gained a rudimentary knowledge of business and its workings. Yet one aspect particularly stuck with me: finance. The combination of mathematics and practicality sent shivers down my spine. Finance was real; it was tangible. Thusly, Stern is the ideal root to future my understanding and depth. Situated in the financial capital of the world, Stern provides not only outstanding internship opportunities but also a peerless erudition in business. (487/500)

Thanks for reading! Please give some criticism!
mmmargarita 10 / 79  
Dec 21, 2009   #2
Nice job overall. Your essays were unique, and your voice stands out. A few suggestions

Green sepals grasp, at
A blossoming rose.
I am bout to bloom. Do you mean "about"? Or is this some eccentric spelling that I don't know?

A day with Adam Richman ensures amusement. Since you use the "would verb" format for the rest of the essay, you should probably change this to "would ensure amusement" OR take out the rest of the woulds and just make it "we cascade" "our stomaches ache" etc. By the way, what does "we cascade" mean? I'm pretty sure cascade refers to falling..like water cascading over rocks. Do you mean fall over?

Stemming from entrepreneurial classes, I gained a rudimentary knowledge of business and its workings. Right now, this sentence means you stemmed from classes? Rather, I think you mean the knowledge stemmed from the classes. Try "I gained...its workings that stemmed from..."

Can you take a look at my essay when you get a chance? Thanks!
theotisbeasley - / 1  
Dec 24, 2009   #3
i think you did character count not word count
dizzydaydreams 5 / 26  
Dec 24, 2009   #4
the structure of a haiku is 5-7-5 (syllables) but i think you did 5-5-5 (syllables) so just clear that up.
hodari 2 / 3  
Dec 25, 2009   #5
A little boy grins as he exchanges Pokémon cards on the playground. Another sweet deal.

don't really see the point of this sentence. is this to show that u have a good sense for business?
ChanelD1 1 / 3  
Dec 25, 2009   #6
Good job so far.

How ever, "A little boy grins as he exchanges Pokémon cards on the playground. Another sweet deal."

is this a flashback??
OP rawrfest 3 / 7  
Jan 1, 2010   #7
thanks for all your responses
updated ver:

Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you.

Player of flutes but
a weight lifter too. Breaking
the stereotypes.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Finance to Farming. 1998. Duo glumly looks through a window down on a vast expansion of farmland. As he watches his home disappear, the plane takes him to a foreign land, a new home. 2020. After a successful stint on Wall St, Duo returns to his homeland. Armed with his investment experience, he founds Yixing Co, a company dedicated to the modernization of farming villages in China. Finance to Farming details both his humanitarian journey as well as a rediscovery of the roots he left long ago.

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do?

A day with Bobby Flay ensures amusement. Our time would comprise of cooking at Mesa Grill, concocting bizarre recipes fueled by our even stranger imaginations. I would chat with him about preparation techniques and styles, eagerly taking in every word in an attempt to improve my own. However too absorbed into the conversation, we would burn the food. As Bobby laughs at our folly and goes to get more ingredients, I would stop him. With a smile on my face - Iron Chef Battle?

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Following along the news and recent financial crisis, I gained budding interest in finance. Piqued by its competitive environment and quantitative requirements, this interest grew. Stern's world-renowned faculty offers a peerless education, preparing me with the analytic skills necessary for the financial world. Located in the financial capital of the world, Stern also provides access to yearlong internships, allowing for full use of its large alumni network.
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Jan 1, 2010   #8
Nice job! I don't have anything to say about the 3 last answers, they're original and well written. Though, your poem isn't so captivating... I'd suggest to make it longer, not just 3 short lines.

Could you help me with mine please?
VANESSAPHAM12 2 / 15  
Jan 1, 2010   #9
Here is a bit for your poem.

Haiku ORIGINALLY is is 5-7-5 (syllables), but remember the new generation of Haiku is no longer like that. :)

For more information, you can search Google.

The idea of Haiku at the first stage was to treasure the beauty of weather, of scenery, or flowers. Etc.

Haiku is only three sentences, no title, but ALWAYS HAS TO CONVEY A LESSON/MEANING.

Green sepals grasp, at
A blossoming rose.
I am bout to bloom.

This one is generic (flower, blossom, blah.) Stay away from it.

Player of flutes but
a weight lifter too. Breaking
the stereotypes.

The 'but' breaks the rhyme :).

Try something more interesting. Just simple but it has reflects who you are. Let them understand your inner side.

Can you check mine as well
OP rawrfest 3 / 7  
Jan 1, 2010   #10
so i kinda gave up on the haiku
and i came up with these? criticisms?

I am a salmon
Swimming upstream
against the flow
working toward my goal.
I am the roe
rare and precious
full of potential
a delicacy unmatched.

or

I remember dark skies
The rain and the lightning
Still unafraid I must rise
No matter what today brings

Places to go, things to see,
People to meet, time to spend
The world is filled with opportunities
Towards greatness I ascend
OP rawrfest 3 / 7  
Jan 1, 2010   #11
updated with summer activity now too:
This summer I participated in a two-week training for Sunday school teachers. From 9AM to 9PM, I attended lectures and seminars regarding both childcare and the Bible material, I needed to cover throughout the year. In addition, this year I was responsible for a review seminar of the first week, covering the core facts and lessons and condense a week's worth of material into a 40-minute session. Despite my anxiety, I presented and in the process gained a better understanding of the material.

please be harsh
jyu104 14 / 46  
Jan 2, 2010   #12
Don't choose the first haiku. It's really weird to say a delicacy unmatched.


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