Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)
"Like the mighty oak sleeps, in the heart of a seed, are there miracles in you and me?"-Jana Stanfield.
Years ago, my answer to the lyrics of my favorite song would've been "no!" But one bold decision changed my perspective on achievement.
Autumn:
Every year, the oak trees in my backyard drop hundreds of acorns. They splatter on the ground with a fierce conviction. If the acorn lives, it remains alone-nothing but a seed. Yet if it dies, it sprouts and produces much fruit. I often think about this paradox as I stare at the trees outside my window.
Winter:
I've been living like an acorn that's afraid to take risks. Fear has kept me buried in darkness, without sunlight, afraid to sprout. I've never felt empowered to take initiatives. Once at a SGA meeting, I remember there were openings for officer positions. Although I had good ideas, I was too shy to step-up. Instead, I averted failure and rejected an opportunity to grow.
Spring:
Later, I hear there was a state-wide SGA election for state officers. Normally, I would've declined. But I think about the risks a brave acorn must take, and decide to run for State Treasurer.
Standing in front of 1000 delegates to deliver my speech, my sweaty palms grope the stadium as I think about the humiliation I'll face if I fail. I recognize no familiar faces in the audience. But I think of the majestic oak, and regain my composure. The audience laughs and wows at my stories, and against two popular incumbents, I win the election!
Summer:
Just like an acorn transforms into a mighty oak tree, this event became a catalyst of self-discovery. I never knew I loved civics until I went lobbying for youth-related bills as part of my SGA duties, and one of our proposed legislations became law. I never knew I could lead a team until I successfully chaired a state-wide leadership conference that required the collaboration of many individuals.
With my new-found confidence, I was eager to take on new challenges to improve myself. I used to fear public speaking and being criticized. Now, I participate in Mock Trial and actively solicit feedback from others to constantly improve my skills.
A Year Later:
Currently, I teach leadership seminars on topics such as communication and motivation, the same skills that I previously lacked. I used to avoid working with others until I saw the synergy of teamwork that allowed our SGA to raise $34,000 for charities. Before, I shied away from engaging students and adults alike. Today, as the Student Member on the Board of Education, I'm the voice of 22,000 students in my county and reach out to my community to discuss educational issues.
This decision to take on a challenge allowed me to find the oak tree within myself. I hope to empower others to experience this uplifting transformation as well. With courage and confidence to pursue my passions, I know I'll excel in life.
Any comments, feedback, and criticism will be much appreciated. Thank you.
First, I really like this piece. I don't know if you care to look at the positive notes i can point out from reading your essay, but if some other people reading this, I think they should see why your writing will become successful.
1) I like the fact you divided the time line into episodes of your life instead of telling the reader.
2) You show the reader the impact of such an insignificant thing that can transform a human's life.
3)You show the colleges exactly what they looking for. All the things you accomplished are amazing, but instead of listing them like a resume, you chose to use the oak tree to be the analogy to show the readers.
4) Your imagery and diction engaged the reader very well.
Overall, even though I am not a grammar a person who can nit pick all the detail, but I think this essay is very good.
(just a tiny little detail that you might omit or it was your intension), since all the other season you mention the oak tree except Spring, i think you should mention something about the acorn when spring come to keep it consistent for the sake of comparison, like all the seeds that survived the harsh winter now can bravely have their roots dig deep down the surface of the earth, and then compare that to your experience.
Good luck!
Years ago, my answer to the lyrics of my favorite song would've been "no!" But one bold decision changed my perspective on achievement.--- shouldn't this say miracles instead of achievement?
Because of the lyrics, I mean.
I like this, and I took some inspiration from it. Thank you!
I want to encourage you to tie up the loose end and make "miracles" a theme. The idea is that an acorn growing into a tree is a kind of miracle, and so it the transformation of an idea into a reality. Complete the theme at the end, there...
