However, it is more personal aspects about Oberlin that make it the right place for me.
--> However, the more personal aspects...
However, there are personal aspects...
-Basically use plural tense, so you got to scratch out the it is haha...
- I think there should be a better transition between the second and third paragraph
world I have never been and study simultaneously continuing to stay on a four year graduation track.
-->world I have never been to, and study simultaneously to continue on a four year graduation track.
Oberlin's rural location attracts students who care more about interacting and getting to know their professors and peers than fine dining or getting drunk at bars.
--> I don't know about this. I mean there are a TON of colleges in non-rural areas, and I'm sure a lot of students don't get drunk at bars. This sentence has to go or have a better reasoning for liking the rural location...
There is no question that between the academic opportunity and social environment, Oberlin is somewhere I will thrive and be happy
-->I don't understand this sentence. The first part of it doesn't make sense with the rest of it.
Any student can write about Oberlin's small classes, reputation of a remarkable education with amazing professors, and liberal and exciting college environment.
--> I think you just proved yourself to be like those students because you wrote about the college environment and remarkable education that is provided.
-->You should write a different topic sentence.
-I don't see how you explained Oberlin will help you grow as a person and student
GOOD LUCK :)