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Oberlin offers what I need to be successful


Randyhl 8 / 33  
Feb 17, 2010   #1
Oberlin Addendum
Please write a brief statement that addresses the following:
Given your interests, values, and goals, explain why Oberlin College will help you grow (as a student and a person) during your undergraduate years.


Any student can write about Oberlin's small classes, reputation of a remarkable education with amazing professors, and liberal and exciting college environment. However, it is more personal aspects about Oberlin that make it the right place for me.

Oberlin offers a 4-1-4 system, allowing me to experience an internship first hand as a part of my undergraduate requirements. Before I get my degree I will have interned at least 4 times helping me decide which career and academic path is right for me. By forcing me to apply class material to a job and a purpose, an internship also encourages students to learn regardless of a grade.

I have always had an infatuation with culture and societal nuances. With Oberlin's wide variety of study abroad opportunities I will be able to see parts of the world I have never been and study simultaneously continuing to stay on a four year graduation track.

Oberlin's rural location attracts students who care more about interacting and getting to know their professors and peers than fine dining or getting drunk at bars. On weekends, students do not go home or leave campus making Oberlin's campus a consistently social place to be. Greek life is nonexistent, removing social competition and superiority.

There is no question that between the academic opportunity and social environment, Oberlin is somewhere I will thrive and be happy.
christiek 6 / 65  
Feb 18, 2010   #2
However, it is more personal aspects about Oberlin that make it the right place for me.

--> However, the more personal aspects...
However, there are personal aspects...
-Basically use plural tense, so you got to scratch out the it is haha...

- I think there should be a better transition between the second and third paragraph

world I have never been and study simultaneously continuing to stay on a four year graduation track.

-->world I have never been to, and study simultaneously to continue on a four year graduation track.

Oberlin's rural location attracts students who care more about interacting and getting to know their professors and peers than fine dining or getting drunk at bars.

--> I don't know about this. I mean there are a TON of colleges in non-rural areas, and I'm sure a lot of students don't get drunk at bars. This sentence has to go or have a better reasoning for liking the rural location...

There is no question that between the academic opportunity and social environment, Oberlin is somewhere I will thrive and be happy

-->I don't understand this sentence. The first part of it doesn't make sense with the rest of it.

Any student can write about Oberlin's small classes, reputation of a remarkable education with amazing professors, and liberal and exciting college environment.

--> I think you just proved yourself to be like those students because you wrote about the college environment and remarkable education that is provided.

-->You should write a different topic sentence.

-I don't see how you explained Oberlin will help you grow as a person and student

GOOD LUCK :)
OP Randyhl 8 / 33  
Feb 18, 2010   #3
Thanks!


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