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"Objection Overruled" - Elaborate on one of your extracurricular activites.


Dantheman100 2 / -  
Sep 6, 2008   #1
Prompt: Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activites.

"Objection Overruled"

There is no feeling like it. I sit at a cold, hardwood desk staring at the opposing team. My heart is racing. All sense of clemency and grace escapes as the judge enters the room. Everyone jumps to their feet proudly with militaristic speed. The atmosphere is tense but hushed.

"Does the defense have a witness to present?" barks the judge.

"Yes your honor!" I exclaim as I eagerly spring from my chair. My pulse is pounding in my throat as I pose questions to my witness.

"Objection, your Honor!" screams a lawyer from the opposing counsel. "This question calls for the witness to testify to hearsay." I inhale deeply; a small smile forms at the corner of my mouth; and I know exactly how to respond.

"Your Honor, this question does not call for an out of court declaration and is therefore not hearsay." I turn back toward the bench, and I continue with my questioning.

Mock Trial is not only a competitive extracurricular activity, but it is also a program that conveys to high school and college students invaluable oratory skills and a complex understanding of the United States Judicial System. Every student who participates in mock trial understands the high degree of commitment and mental strain that the program demands, but the competitive trials that make our hearts race remind us of why we are involved in the first place - not to glorify ourselves, but to strive to represent our communities well.

Could I get some hlep with structuring and a decent closing. It doesn't end well right now. Thanks!!!
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Sep 6, 2008   #2
Depending on your word count restrictions, you could talk a little bit more about why it is you choose to partake in this activity. What is it that you keeps you at it? How does it help you in your daily life? You talk in your closing about representing your community well; this is a great closing, but only if you talk about this representation earlier on in your text. That will help your structure and your closing flow smoother, which is what it seems like to me you are concerned most about.


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