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Observational essay about a teacher. Gravely in need of revision.


Kaceykat 1 / -  
Sep 12, 2012   #1
I had to write a obervarional essay about a teacher that I interviewed. The subject matter seems to be somewhat solid but I am very worried about grammar issues due to me having a hard time with it. I really need help in the introduction in the last the last sentence. I tried to break the sentence up with a semicolon but I'm not sure if its right. Here it is:

Mr. Connell
Unfinished pots filled the classroom, each one a different size, shape, and shade of earth. Bags of brownish-grey clay were piled in a corner. Posters both old and new covered the walls, the older ones fading to a single hue. The students walked back and forth across the polish concrete floor, covered with clay particles. The fluorescent lights shining on it from above. Students begin to unravel their pots from the black plastic that covered them , unveiling the pots from within. Above the sink there was note that said " Arrive on time, tell the truth , be a good listener, and don't be too attached to the results. Above all maintain a sense of humor." This was not just any classroom, This was the classroom of Jim Connell; the man devoted to the art of ceramics, the phenomenal teacher and the inspirational figure.

Jim Connell may be a phenomenal teacher and inspirational figure but this stems from him being so devoted to the art of ceramics. Mr.Connell began working with clay between his junior and senior year. He wanted to take ceramics because he thought it would be a easy class, but soon he fell in love with it and he kept taking more classes. In 1976 he went to a clay conference in Louisiana. " It was like the sun was shining...The conference changed my life around." he said. Instead of going to graduate school after getting a undergraduate degree in history. Connell decided to get an a undergraduate degree in Ceramics at the Art Institute in Kansas. " For the next four years I worked on a conformation that I could do this. I realized that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Even though my formal art background was not as foundationally stronger". He went back to graduate school and eventually got his Master's degree, which lead to him becoming a professor, teaching ceramics, pottery, and history at Winthrop University. "He likes what he does. He wants to share his love of pottery with us" a student said. He goes on to say " After 35 years of this I still enjoy it. I'd even do this for free."

His devotion to ceramics is what makes him an inspiration to his students and others. It is his hardwork and dedication that pushes his students to work harder. A student of his says " He pushes us do our best and he cares about our work. He takes pride in what his students do and they even inspire him. He goes on to say " I get inspiration from students. They open your eyes to different views." Mr. Connell uses his students in order to learn and improve his work and as well to pass this knowledge to others. As the class goes on he gives his students bursts of inspiration by saying things such " Your job is to improve your skills." and " The number one rule in art are that there are no rules."

Mr. Connell's dedication and his inspiring of others is what makes him a good teacher. As you look around the classroom you see him going from one student to the next, examining their pots as a doctor would a patient. He exalts them for the effort they put in to the work, lets them know what to do better and shows them techniques for improvment. " Teaching isn't for everybody, you have to like people. If you're going to be a teacher you have to like people and give.The finished pots reflect his teaching skill and how he pushes his students to give it their all and to do their best. A student of his says " I like him. He is very helpful. His critiques are to help build you up and not bring you down. I am not an art major. I have no clue what I'm doing. But he has been extremely helpful." Another student says "He pushes us to do better and cares about our work." The classroom is full of laughter and joy. Every student works hard with a delightful expression on their face, making him a joy to have as a teacher.

As students in college most dread going to classes. But the students in Jim Connell's class are different. They are meticulously working and having fun doing so. Connell's devotion and the way he inspires the people around him, pushes them to do their best. These qualities are what make him a good teacher and defines who we are when we work to our fullest potential.

Mr. Connell
Unfinished pots filled the classroom, each one a different size, shape, and shade of earth. Bags of brownish-grey clay were piled in a corner. Posters both old and new covered the walls, the older ones fading to a single hue. The students walked back and forth across the polish concrete floor, covered with clay particles. The fluorescent lights shining on it from above. Students begin to unravel their pots from the black plastic that covered them , unveiling the pots from within. Above the sink there was note that said " Arrive on time, tell the truth , be a good listener, and don't be too attached to the results. Above all maintain a sense of humor." This was not just any classroom, This was the classroom of Jim Connell; the man devoted to the art of ceramics, the phenomenal teacher and the inspirational figure.

Jim Connell may be a phenomenal teacher and inspirational figure but this stems from him being so devoted to the art of ceramics. Mr.Connell began working with clay between his junior and senior year. He wanted to take ceramics because he thought it would be a easy class, but soon he fell in love with it and he kept taking more classes. In 1976 he went to a clay conference in Louisiana. " It was like the sun was shining...The conference changed my life around." he said. Instead of going to graduate school after getting a undergraduate degree in history. Connell decided to get an a undergraduate degree in Ceramics at the Art Institute in Kansas. " For the next four years I worked on a conformation that I could do this. I realized that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Even though my formal art background was not as foundationally stronger". He went back to graduate school and eventually got his Master's degree, which lead to him becoming a professor, teaching ceramics, pottery, and history at Winthrop University. "He likes what he does. He wants to share his love of pottery with us" a student said. He goes on to say " After 35 years of this I still enjoy it. I'd even do this for free."

His devotion to ceramics is what makes him an inspiration to his students and others. It is his hardwork and dedication that pushes his students to work harder. A student of his says " He pushes us do our best and he cares about our work. He takes pride in what his students do and they even inspire him. He goes on to say " I get inspiration from students. They open your eyes to different views." Mr. Connell uses his students in order to learn and improve his work and as well to pass this knowledge to others. As the class goes on he gives his students bursts of inspiration by saying things such " Your job is to improve your skills." and " The number one rule in art are that there are no rules."

Mr. Connell's dedication and his inspiring of others is what makes him a good teacher. As you look around the classroom you see him going from one student to the next, examining their pots as a doctor would a patient. He exalts them for the effort they put in to the work, lets them know what to do better and shows them techniques for improvment. " Teaching isn't for everybody, you have to like people. If you're going to be a teacher you have to like people and give.The finished pots reflect his teaching skill and how he pushes his students to give it their all and to do their best. A student of his says " I like him. He is very helpful. His critiques are to help build you up and not bring you down. I am not an art major. I have no clue what I'm doing. But he has been extremely helpful." Another student says "He pushes us to do better and cares about our work." The classroom is full of laughter and joy. Every student works hard with a delightful expression on their face, making him a joy to have as a teacher.

As students in college most dread going to classes. But the students in Jim Connell's class are different. They are meticulously working and having fun doing so. Connell's devotion and the way he inspires the people around him, pushes them to do their best. These qualities are what make him a good teacher and defines who we are when we work to our fullest potential.

Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Sep 12, 2012   #2
The students walked back and forth across the polished concrete floor, covered with clay particles. The fluorescent lights were shining on it from above.

Above all, maintain a sense of humor

This was not just any classroom, t his was the classroom of Jim Connell.He was the man devoted to the art of ceramics, the phenomenal teacher and thean inspirational figure.

Jim Connell may be an amazingphenomenal teacher and inspirational figure, but this stems from him being so devoted to the art of ceramics.

He went back to graduate school and eventually got his Master's degree, which lead to him become a professor, teachingof ceramics, pottery, and history at Winthrop University.

AsMost students in college most dread going to classes.

These qualities are what make him a good teacher and defines who we are when we work to our fullest potential.

I have an idea for this. Maybe say: "Mr. C has helped shape our educational experience in the same way that we shape our ceramic pots, with care and thoughtfulness."


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