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Obstacle + unique quality (dentist) - UCF Essay, give me any suggestions!


kicker20 1 / 1  
Dec 9, 2009   #1
UCF Essay

The essay (personal statement) is a very important part of your application which can assist the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement(s) should be no longer than 250 words each or a total of 500 words for both statements. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones. THIS COMPONENT OF YOUR APPLICATION CAN BE MAILED SEPARATELY.

1. If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

Prompt #1 If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

I can still remember the day my little sister was diagnosed with autism at age two: it was the toughest day in my life. Little did I know that with every circumstance, comes a blessing. Now at the age of eleven, my sister Nicole has recovered so much that she is in a regular classroom, dances, plays the piano, and at times is just as annoying as anyone else's younger sister.

Life's struggles have helped me become a stronger person. I have learned a lot about family relationships and family responsibilities. Due to the change in our family dynamics, I have already learned first-hand many of the skills required to run a home. After my parents' divorce, things at home were difficult but my mother worked hard and provided such loving support that she made the situation a lot easier on my sister and I. Through these trials, I have become a person more sensitive to the needs of others; I truly care about what people are going through and I always help if I can.

We all have unexpected bumps on the road, and they can either make you bitter, or better. I can look back and see how much I've grown, and with excitement I look forward to facing every circumstance that passes through my life hopefully with grace, wisdom, and joy.

Prompt #4 What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

Strength. Confidence. Faith. Love are the perfect words to describe me. I am secure in who I am as a person. I follow my Christian faith, and I do not allow peer pressure to change who I am. I try hard to always make wise decisions. I am choosing carefully what I participate in now so as not to negatively impact my future. My dream is to become a respected dentist like my uncle; he works hard and serves the community and positively interacts with his patients. I know that I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, and I am willing to put in the required effort to reach my goal.

Playing sports has helped me become mentally strong. In soccer, each year we play a very skilled team that always beats us. Even though we only have a slim chance of winning, I maintain a good attitude and play my very best until the final whistle blows. I give 100% effort always so that when it is over I know I did my best. As our football team's kicker, I have to kick field goals while the opposing team attempts to distract me. Being under pressure does not bother me. I have learned to block out all the noise and concentrate on the kick. I do my part to help the team effort; I know they are counting on me. I will apply these lessons learned in sports to all aspects of my life.
paradoxymoron 3 / 9  
Dec 9, 2009   #2
Hi :)

The second response feels a little.. simple? I think you should try using the "show-don't-tell" technique.. instead of just saying what characteristics you have, you could show how you embody your traits with certain examples (like using how you overcame the challenges that came along with your parents divorce as an example of your strength, etc.)

Good luck!
OP kicker20 1 / 1  
Dec 9, 2009   #3
good idea! thank you!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 11, 2009   #4
I can still remember the day my little sister was diagnosed with autism at age two; it was the toughest day in my life. Little did I know that with every unfortunate circumstance, comes a blessing.---> hmm, I don't know if this is a true statement.

Love are the perfect words to describe me.

This right here should be changed. Put a period after love, just like the others, and then write:
These are the words...

Also, it is not good for the 2nd paragraph in this one to be all about soccer. They didn't ask you about soccer. So... you can explain the words in terms of soccer, but let the first sentence and last sentence of that paragraph be about the words.
YOSUIF - / 1  
Jun 9, 2010   #5
SOP FOR M.S IN Prosthodontics - DENTISTRY

HI GUYS,

I NEED SOME HELP TO PREPARE THE STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR MY M.s admission in Prosthodontics - DENTISTRY

any one can help me please ???
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jun 10, 2010   #6
Hi,

This is an interesting field you are entering. I think you can have a great future by getting involved with this kind of technology. Lots of people need prosthetic dentistry. What you need to do right now is come up with a great plan for the future and really DEVELOP that plan. Start by writing something.

:-)

Write something here, and we'll help you turn it into a great sop.


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