Obstacles turned around - should I write about this topic or is it TMI

Common app essay question 2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

overcoming obstacles

When reflecting on personal setbacks, the year leading up to my senior year comes to mind. I had become complacent, losing focus of what was important. As my junior year finished and the summer break got underway, I had planned to wake up happy and energized every morning, ambitiously working as a YMCA counselor and at a local restaurant. I was eager to work independently and do well. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, I found myself going down an entirely different path. I would have never imagined a year earlier how oppositely the trajectory of my life was heading. A single poor decision altered the course of my life. I cared so much about school, played soccer at high school, worked vigorously at jobs and maintained many friendships. That was until being introduced to the consuming disease of addiction. No one ever thinks they could be that person until it happens to them. I have spent the past summer and fall working to overcome these obstacles.

As I write this essay, it is easy to rationalize this whole situation as something to hide and not acknowledge. I could simply say that for my senior year I decided to go to a private boarding school and talk about life there. However, that is not the case, and it would not serve nearly enough justice to the progress I have made. Just as the summer break started, I entered a residential treatment center called XYZ in XYZ. At first, I was in denial, but in retrospect, this was the best thing that could have happened to me. I had spent the past year allowing my life to fall apart right before my eyes. At the deepest part of the downward spiral, there was nothing that could help me, because I had no desire to get better. At XYZ, I learned how to help myself. I was able to clear my head and realize how much damage I was doing to myself and those around me. The staff and peers at XYZ, to whom I am forever grateful, helped me learn to love myself without substances. Since then, I have regained my ambition and determination. In the past three months, I have excelled through the academic and therapeutic programs. I am now in a position where I am can give back and support others around me while still caring for myself.

You may think me a bit foolish for sharing this in a college application essay, but I have never been more proud of myself. I will finish my senior year in a residential treatment center, and because of it, I am three months sober and counting. I have so much fervor and determination to do well in my life that it makes me grin with joy from ear to ear. When I think about my future, I will take it one day at a time, making each day my masterpiece. Not to be cliche, but in the words of Lyndon B. Johnson, "yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose." I can only learn from the past, but my future is in looking forward and believing in myself. With that as a foundation I know I have nothing to fear.

Cathy, kiddos for coming this far into your recovery. This is one of the most admirable essays I have read so far. You really put yourself out there and let the reviewer into the darkest point of your life leading into the light. That's why I'm worried that you might not be receptive to the advice I am about to give you. I'm asking you to put yourself out there a little bit more. You see, the essay seems to start in the middle of the addiction. Before you present that point, you need to create the foundation of the downward spiral first. Describe how the addiction started and what attracted you to stick to it. The reviewer first needs to understand how and why it happened so that the full impact of the recovery and changes on your life can be better recieved and acknowledged. It's a slight addition that can even be just a summary in the second paragraph. No need to delve into the details but the basics are important to your story. I'll understand if you would not want to do that. The essay is acceptable as it is. I just wanted to make it as clear as possible to the reviewer in order to drive your point home about the importance of your recovery and what you learned from it.

@Holt
I appreciate the feedback. I am trying to use this essay for both common app and coalition app, and so keeping my word limit is important. I was most concerned about the topic. Any concern about this level of sharing for college application?