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Undergraduate   Posts: 6

(Obtaining a college degree) Ubc personal profile: What is important to you and why? Max 250 words.

Sep 12, 2017   #1
This is the essay i wrote in response to the prompt but I dont know if it answers the question.

Good education matters

Growing up, stability was something that came and went in the blink of an eye. Many things were at play for my family's condition but the major contributor was my parents inability to earn steady incomes because they did not havewithout college degrees and also due to my father''s illness. Mom engaged in so many petty trades and dad visited construction sites to look for jobs that most times triggered his arthritis; keeping him homebound for long periods of time.

Despite these difficulties, my parents believed so much in education. Hence, they sacrificed pleasure to give my siblings and I the best education they could afford even if was difficult most of the time. For instance, one time in middle school my aunt had advised my dad to pull us out of school because he had been sick for almost a month and we hadn't attended school for months. My dad had bluntly refused. Seeing my dad in such a conditions filled me with a sense of guilt whenever I obtained a poor grade in school or failed a test. My family's condition always served as a constant reminder to me on the need to succeed no matter how hard it may seem.
Holt [Contributor] 1543  
Sep 13, 2017   #2
Elizabeth, which of the two do you really value the most, education or stability? If it is stability, which type of stability matters the most? Financial or family stability? Your essay has only a 250 word maximum limit on it but your essay indicates at least a 750 word requirement due to the number of important things to you. Basically, you need to go back and assess your content. Rate the different important things to you on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the least and 10 being the most important. Whichever you rate a 10 should be the sole focus for discussion in this essay. When you try to discuss too many topics in the essay, the tendency is for your essay to sound confused because you are not able to fully develop your explanations and justifications for your reasoning. In this instance, I believe that you should discuss the importance of financial stability in your family as that seems to be the most recurring theme in the essay. Or, you could discuss the importance of financial and family stability instead since the two factors go hand in hand when one considers the true important angles in a growing family. Whichever you choose to discuss, that will be the stronger discussion in the essay. Make sure you pick the one that best resonates with your beliefs and voices out your complete thoughts and / or sentiments on the topic.
OP Betsyy  
Sep 13, 2017   #3
My aim what to show how getting an education especially a college education was important to me because of the challenges I had faced. Are my supposed to talk about the education first?.

""Over time, success to me revolved from finishing high school to earning a college degree. It is my way of proving to myself that I could achieve whatever I chose and it was my way of telling my family that their sacrifices were worth it"". Does this conclusion help.
OP Betsyy  
Sep 13, 2017   #4
I rephrased the essay. Is this better. Its slightly above the word count but i hope it answers the prompt this time.
Sep 13, 2017   #5
I thought what you value most will be your relationship with your parents because you seemed to put a lot of emphasis on what your parents had done for you.

If not, I suggest you to truncate the content of those details that you parents had done for you to meet the limitation.
You still can mention that your motivation of study is your parents, but just simplify it.
OP Betsyy  
Sep 16, 2017   #6
This is my revised essay. What do you think.

Please guys help me go over my revised essay. This is my second attempt; my first one was not too good. I hope I do better this time.

I stared across the room and my eyes met my mom's as she lay close to my younger sibling who seemed to be getting affected by the hunger with each passing minute. She was worried and I knew it. It was always so each time my dads arthritis escalated forcing him out of the little job (if he had any) he was trying to keep. Ignoring my rumbling stomach, I quietly moved towards her, grabbed her to my side and said "it would be over soon". I didn't know for sure but whenever I encountered hardships, there was always a part of me that was always willing to stay strong; that part of me always convinced me of a better future even when things got worse. That part of me was vital; it is my ability to always remain resilient.

Just like my family, the personal challenges I have faced in my life have taught me one lesson; setbacks would happen, life would toss me around most of the time, my dreams might not always come true but what would always matter to me is the positivity with which I have dealt with such situations and the impact which I was able to make on those around me. Just like that moment in the room, I discovered that the best way to overcome adversities was not paying attention to the "whats" but the "hows".

Thanks in advance for the help.

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