NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
Since I was younger, I've not been a girl willing to be limited into a small city, Xiamen, where I was born. I want to explore a larger world. Therefore, regardless of worries and doubts of my parents, since I was fifteen, I've carried my big backpacked stuffed with several clothes and traveled alone to many places. I was surprised by Japanese's politeness and civilization, which contradicted to what I've received in China. I was moved by the determination of walkers and riders who traveled for months just to reach Tibet. I was also shocked by the Nepalese custom of eating with hands when I volunteered in a local Nepalese orphanage. Having been to lots of places, I am still eager to know more. This was also the reason I chose to study in USA while I could easily go to a top Chinese university. Only hearing of the freedom and inspiration of American education did not satisfy me. I want to see and experience myself.
NYU, which incorporates so many diverse cultures, can certainly help me to explore western cultures and beyond. In the classes or in activities, I can discuss in-depth with students from different cultures and learn their unique values. This diversity also gives me chances to meet distinct people of similar interests. I would be excited to live in an exploration community called Science and Technology in the 21st Century, in which I could meet my peers in all kinds of science fields: Biology, Chemistry or Computer Science. I believe all science can enrich and prove each other. By engaging in the discussion with them, I will also gain a deeper understanding of mathematics and even discover more interests beyond that.
Learning is a process of exchanging. As I learned Nepalese cultures, I also spread Chinese culture to them. Similarly, when learning from the diversity of NYU community, I am also contributing to it. According to my traveling experience, I have understandings of many different culture and ethnic groups. I would love to share my opinions to my peers who haven't had chances to see for themselves. Chinese identity is an inseparable part of my identity. Having worked in DePauw Chinese association for two years, I've adept at organizing events like Mid-Autumn Festival events. I've also cooperated with professors of Chinese to help their students to know more about Chinese language and culture, so I am confident that I can assist NYU's students and professors to learn Chinese by what I have.
Hey, I think there might be some problems with your essay.
I would say it would be better if you keep only one or two points and emphasize with your own stories. Simply saying what you have done and how would things at NYU help you are not helping a lot.
Besides, NYU students are inclined to be self-reliant and independent. Thus, you may want to demonstrate that besides your academic interests.
Another minor point is that by saying you will be able to take Stern courses, you make CAS inferior to Stern, which is not a good thing to reveal, I suppose.
Good Luck
Undergraduate
Thank you so much!
Yes, I had concerns about writing so many points in a short essay when I was working on this essay. Thank you for pointing out~
Would you mind reviewing my main essay? I really need an experienced person to help me check if there is anything wrong.
Thank you again!
Here it is:
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MODS comment:you must give it as a separate thread. One thread, one essay only. Thanks.Hi! I took your advice and wrote a new version. Could you please take a look at it!
I will really really appreciate!
Thanks
Born in a medium-sized city, Xiamen, I'm most of the time surrounded by local people. I am familiar with their dialects, their tradition and their values. However, this familiarity somewhat limits the boundary that I can reach. Like a grown-up bird that always wants to see the larger world, I too was determined to find out who I am. Since I was fifteen, I have traveled to many places alone with a big backpack stuffed with only several clothes and toothpaste.
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This one does have a focus on you. Judging from the time, I would not recommend you modifying again except for wording and phrasing. Just saying, if I were you, I may depict one of your stories with details. What you are contributing is so tangible which makes your point weak. Anyway, good luck with your application.
Thank you again for your quick response!
So you suggest I should stick to the new version and write a strong about my travel experience?( I think I still have some time for write a better one ^^
Thanks!
