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'looking through some old photos' - U Mich - Ann Arbor - Short Essay - Community


artiQlate 3 / 8  
Jan 12, 2012   #1
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong and describe that community and your place within it

(approx 250 words)


The fifteen different Merriam Webster definitions for a 'community' include "An interacting population of various individuals in a common location." and "Persons with common history or social, economic, and political interests." Yet how can one define the word 'community', objectively?

When people ask me questions along the lines of which community I belong to, my reply is "Good question!" Why? Let me state the facts. My father's Bengali, so I'm Indian by birth. I'm also one-eight Armenian, one-eight Burmese and one-quarter Italian, from my mother's side, courtesy the phenomenon of migration. To add a few more ingredients to this 'Cocktail of Communities', I was born in Bahrain, and brought up in Bangalore! It's safe to say that I might have had some difficulty deciding which community I belong to.

However, a few months ago when I was looking through some old photos that showed me how much I've changed over time, I realised something important. My community isn't about where I'm from. It's about where I am. My community is defined by the present, not the past. The role I play within my community takes on various forms, from different perspectives. My community is the habitat I live in, whether it's my family, my peer group, my school, my soccer team, or even one of the orphanages I've visited. Within my community, I'm the son, brother, friend, classmate, teammate and Samaritan, all at once. My life is my community, and my role is to live my life to the fullest.

Let me know what you guys think! :)
inakilopez 1 / 3  
Jan 12, 2012   #2
Your personal history is very interesting and inspiring, but in my opinion, you're not describing the community you chose. Maybe you could summarize your background a bit more and talk about how important you are in the many communities you mention.

Within my community, I'm the son, brother, friend, classmate, teammate and Samaritan, all at once. My life is my community, and my role is to live my life to the fullest.

This closing statement is great. I would keep it.

Hope it helps!
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Jan 12, 2012   #3
Hi :) You have a great essay!

You only have 250 words, so use your limited space wisely. When you begin your essay with: The fifteen different Merriam Webster definitions for a 'community' include "An interacting population of various individuals in a common location." and "Persons with common history or social, economic, and political interests." Yet how can one define the word 'community', objectively?

You may be wasting space that you could be using to describe and answer the topic question. It is not a bad way to begin your essay, but you may want to consider starting it a different way.

Also, you use the word "community" too much, it sounds repetitive-- explore synonyms for this word

However, a few months ago, when I was looking through some old photos that showed me how much I've changed over time, I realized something important.

You may want to edit this sentence, it is a bit too long.

My community is the habitat I live in, whether it's my family, my peer group, my school, my soccer team, or even one of the orphanages I've visited.

I wonder: Where exactly do you live now, and which cultural heritage do you feel most influenced by?

You conclude the essay nicely, good work!


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