Hey all,
Any comment/feedback will be greatly appreciated. If you read mine, I'll read yours. :)
1. There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raisedďyour family, home, neighborhood or community and how it influenced the person you are today.
Since the age of five, my parents bombarded me with extra-circular activities: boy scouts, swimming, badminton lessons, English, Maths, Chinese tuition they dedicated a large portion of their time to ensure that I had a broad range of opportunities. Three years later, my sister was born -- a pre-mature four-pound infant. Visitors were not allowed for two weeks, when they were she attracted everyone's attention, my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins...
Many would think that I would resent my sister for snatching all the attention from me; well they were right. Despite the forewarnings my parents gave before she was born, I experienced a spectrum of emotions: anger, jealousy, frustration and confusion. Fortunately, this only lasted until the day I saw her. She was in an incubator, wrapped tightly in the standard white-green hospital towel, her fist curled in a ball next to her rosy pink cheeks. That's when it hit me- I'm an older brother. At the age of ten, this had a massive impact on me. The resentment for my sister instantly dissipated and I found myself repeating to myself, "I'm an older brother... I'm an older brother". Something clicked in me; this assumed responsibility of being an elder sibling put "responsibility", "maturity" and "sensibility" into my ten-year old vocabulary.
From that day, my parents never gave me the same amount of attention again. They never told me that I had to be responsible, nor did they doubt my ability to cope by myself. They trusted my instincts and today I thank them for this journey of self-discovery. This event was one that shaped the majority of who I have strived to be: an independent, motivated and sensible young adult capable of taking his education into his own hands.
Since the age of five, my parents bombarded me with extra-circular activities: boy scouts, swimming, badminton lessons, English, Maths, Chinese tuition - they dedicated a large portion of their time to ensure that I had a broad range of opportunities. Three years later, my sister was born -- a pre-mature four-pound infant. Visitors were not allowed for two weeks, when they were she attracted everyone's attention, my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins...
is english not your first language? because this is not formal writing... you cant have ellipses or do double dashes. These are almost complete sentences but not quite. And, you need to focus the first paragraph more: how does your sister have to do with opportunities?
second two paragraphs are really good and i like the overall essay.. GOOD JOB :)
please check mine out, its called youth and government intellectual vitality PLEASE HELP
They dedicated a large amount their time
I think you know whats wrong here.
an sudden change took place
Another careless mistake I believe.
After two weeks of isolation, visitors were allowed.
Depends, but I don't see how this adds to your story.
Fantastic essay and pretty moving for the short length. I really like the "monopolizing" the attention. Great! Hope you get in Tufts!
