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'Being the oldest of three offspring' - UF essay... critque

austin13 2 / 2  
Oct 12, 2009   #1
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

There are an assortment of advantages and disadvantages of been the oldest of three offspring, but when it comes to school particularly college, there is a heap of anxiety. Having a mother who started but could not further her education, since she was a single parent at the time and a father who kicks himself on a daily basis for not taking a free opportunity at The University of Miami is traumatic and nerve wrecking. My life, my thoughts, and my potential revolve around: college. Considered the computer nerd in the family and amongst my stimulating acquaintances it will only be proper to develop into a computer engineer.

Summerbridge Miami (SB) is not a program I expected to be in for the simple fact, school in the summer is as tedious as school in the fall. From the moment, I stepped off the bus to the time I got back on, there were young, energetic, uplifting individuals, who I thought were my peers; conversely they were the teachers/ mentors. The teachers were students mentoring younger students that have a future and crave to pursue their imaginings as doctors, dentists, lawyers, and engineers. There was a curriculum called after school activities, which helped a young athlete with a hobby of rapping feel more comfortable and uplifted. Learning how to be myself at first was challenging, and motivated me to have more confidence in my work ethics and any given task I take on. Reminiscing about SB, I distinguish the impact I had on the program, and unforgettably the major impact SB had on my now well-rounded life. Starting out as a juvenile girl that only knew me and me, and supercilious at times was not the path I sought to be headed on. SB started to nurture, console, and inspire a young teen that sought out to be as inspirational as Oprah Winfrey herself. The life altering experience is noticed in my high school life, how I deal with day-by-day challenges, and how I take on each one as a sink or swim situation.

My college experience at The University of Florida will be no different to how I carry myself in high school, given that SB skilled me on how to gain knowledge, how to take on numerous diverse challenges which is thinking outside the box. SB brought the ingenious side of me out, which helped me express myself more freely on projects, and homework, which I had the propensity to overlook. I will be an asset to the U.F. environment because of my ingenious customs that will allow me to give back to the kids; my social skills will contribute to perhaps me begin a tutor to my fellow peers and becoming head of class as in President or speaker. Giving back and keeping U.F. on the top of all schools is what I will focus on, especially since that is what SB did for me.
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Oct 12, 2009   #2
this is a great story, just needs a little touching up .Hopefully my response is as useful to you as it's useful for the other student.

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