This comes in at 245 words. I like the essay except for the conclusion. I would really like to reconnect the "Once a Hokie, always a Hokie" part back at the end, but can't find a way to do so without sounding awkward. Please feel free to edit as harshly as possible. Make me cry. Seriously.
I've heard it said that "Once a Hokie, always a Hokie." In five years time, upon receiving my college diploma, I hope to take part in this Hokie Nation. There are seemingly endless attributes of Tech that make it my first choice school, but none are greater than the extraordinary sense of community. It was clear to me upon my first trip to Lane Stadium that being a Hokie makes you part of something special. As Metallica's "Enter Sandman" blared through the loudspeakers, I felt the rumble of tens of thousands of jumping Hokies resonate through me. I knew right away that I was meant to bleed orange and maroon, that I would be part of the camaraderie available only at Virginia Tech. Also, it's undeniable that Blacksburg, nestled in the breathtaking Blue Ridge Mountains, is the quintessential college town. Anyone fortunate enough to have set foot in Blacksburg in the fall can attest to its beauty. The location of Blacksburg is perfect for me as well, as it is far enough from home to give me a sense of independence, while being close enough to visit home over break. Obviously, the second to none academics available at such a reputable university are compelling to an aspiring student. I greatly anticipate "inventing the future" at Tech. To be part of this esteemed Hokie Nation is a dream of mine, and above all, for the words "Once a Hokie, always a Hokie" to apply to me.
Honestly this is a really good essay. I normally tear people apart, but this is really good. I like the diction that you use throughout the essay also! As far as the "once a hookie, always a hookie" thing goes I think that what you have sounds fine.
