Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. 250-500 words
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me" -Jim Valvano. My father was the greatest gift that I have ever been given. For as long as I can remember, he was always there for me. He was not only my father, but he was my best friend. I told him anything that was on my mind and he was always there to support me and believe in me. My dad was one of many names: Josef Guerra, Daddy, Mr. Joe, Daddio, PapĂĄ, and Walking Encyclopedia. My dad knew everything about anything. Whenever I would ask him a question, he would answer every angle of the question, even if it was irrelevant. My dad placed a special weight in academics. He believed that I should always walk the extra mile when in regard to my schoolwork. I remember him staying up late with me when I had an important test or a big paper due the next day. It was because of him that I wanted to become above average in every aspect of my life, including in school. His influence in my life gave me the drive to succeed, and to really, really work for what I want. My dad has had a significant influence in my life because, ultimately, he introduced the great importance of academics and he helped me nurture the passion to always try my hardest and to never, ever, ever give up. If I ever do think of giving up, I think of my father's influential words: "Once you start, you're already halfway done." Those few words give me the strength to go on and keep my eyes on the prize.
Unfortunately, in December of 2008, my father passed away from Pancreatic Cancer. He being gone is very hard for me. He was always the first person I went to when I got an A on my math test or I felt really confident on a paper I wrote. I remember one day specifically. I had gotten straight A's on my report card and I was extremely elated. I ran home all the way from the bus stop to my dad's door, super excited to tell him the good news. It wasn't until I reached his bedroom door that I realized he wasn't there and I couldn't tell him. It's been a long journey that I've been through since his passing, but I keep on working hard because I don't want to disappoint him, wherever he is. I want him to look down on me and be proud of the girl he raised. I want him to sit down on a table with his friends in Heaven and tell them "My daughter is a doctor and she made me the happiest father there ever was." I want to make him happy because he made me happy.
This is my very first draft. I'm not too sure on the essay at the beginning and I'm positive that I have grammatical mistakes. I would love for any feedback at all. I just want to make sure this is as perfect as possible. Thanks!
P.S. Word Count is 478. Is it too wordy?
Please feel free to butcher this essay. Also, I'm not too sure on the title. I'm not very creative in that sense.
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me" -Jim Valvano. My father was the greatest gift that I have ever been given. sounds really weird. Who give you your father as a gift?For as long as I can remember, he was always there for me. I think this is unnecessary. He was not only my father, but he was my best friend. I told him anything that was on my mind and he was always there to support me and believe in me.
He his being gone is very hard for me. It's-- "it has" should be better been a long journey that I've been through since his passing, but I keep on working hard because I don't want to disappoint him, wherever he is. I want him to look down on-- I'm not a native, and I think this means to look at someone with contempt. me and be proud of the girl he raised.
Your essay is moving and well-written, but I think maybe you can tell an anecdote about how your father stimulated your passion for academics.
Best of luck getting into Northwestern!
The essay is really well written, but I agree that you should include an anecdote about how he inspired you academically. The last sentence could be stronger, and "happy" is overused and could be more powerful. You are a good writer and I think you could think of a better hook than the quote, and maybe include it elsewhere in the essay. Very promising rough draft!
