If you could only do one of the activities which one would you keep doing? Why? U of M essay

Most people call dance their passion, but for me dance runs in my veins. I still vividly remember those days as young child, when I would dress up and imitate my favorite Bollywood dancers. Back then, dance was a fun activity, but in high school dance became a pillar of strength when I was facing depression, due to some personal problems: I would come home, lock myself up, and cry for hours. However, one day I decided to dance away my bottled up feelings. After that I felt like there was still life in me; it gave me motivation to fight and above all, it showed me that happiness can be found in the smallest of things. Dance has become my life support and I never want to pull the plug.I know that I can continue to dance at University of Michigan through their exceptional dance teams like Michigan Manzil.

Rose, let's get something clear here. When one says dance is his passion, that means that it runs in his veins. So you will need to rephrase that sentence or try for a different simple introduction to your statement. Now, do you really have to be so specific as to mention Bollywood dancers? Can't you keep the description somewhat generic? I know that they are pretty good dancers but when you speak of dance, you should try to appeal to a general audience instead of a specific dance style and crowd. You never know if the reviewer is familiar with Bollywood dance or not. So there is a chance your reference might fall upon a flat audience if he is not familiar with the term and dance style. The rest of your statement is quite responsive to the prompt though. No problems with the later part of your response as far as I can tell. So, if you decide to agree with me and you end up tweaking the parts I mentioned, your essay will be good to go.

@Holt
Would it be okay i just deleted the first sentence and started with "I vividly....."

Rose, you can definitely do that. Don't be afraid to play around with the content of the essay. Specially since it is word limited. You should target using as little of the available word count as possible to get your message across. That is because the statement is meant to test your communication skills. Are you capable of delivering a complete thought within a limited word frame? The answer should be yes. Keep adjusting your response until you are satisfied that it is as short, but informative as it can be regarding your response. Reviewers always appreciate the statements that come in under the word count but tells them everything they need to know just the same. It shows an analytical mind on the part of the student and tells them that the student will manage to express himself or herself properly while in class.