Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2


One of the communities to which I belong is the community of tennis players both.


Interste11ar 2 / 1 1  
Feb 1, 2016   #1
Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (approx. 250 words)

Note: Applying as a freshman transfer to Michigan. This is still a semi-rough draft, so be as critical as possible :).

One of the communities to which I belong is the community of tennis, which I continue to share with members of my old high school tennis team and members of Rutgers college tennis club team.


My first introduction to this tennis community came during my freshman year of high school. I had played tennis for several years, but the JV team was my first real exposure to an actual team. Recognizing my experience, my JV coach entrusted me to help the inexperienced players on the team improve, as well as to set an example. This happened to also be my first, albeit intimidating, exposure in a position of leadership.


The next year as a sophomore, I was a member of the varsity team, and no longer the most experienced player. In this new but familiar environment, I learned how to act in a team under leadership. That year, like the year before, I became a part of a tight knit community, and even won the New Jersey Group 3 State Championship. What I will remember most, however, is how the senior members and captains of the team did everything to ensure the young players, such as myself, felt included and part of the team.


During my senior year, the school team was very young and inexperienced. I, along with my classmates, sought to ensure that playing varsity tennis wasn't just a competitive sport, but a welcoming community. That year, I further discovered first hand myself that being a leader of a group grants you the privilege to ensure everyone's happiness.


Playing tennis in college wonderfully opened its welcoming arms once again, as I get to enjoy playing a sport I love with others who share my feeling.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Feb 1, 2016   #2
Hi Nathan, I would like to share my thoughts on your essay and some corrections if necessary.

- which I continue to
- members of Rutgers C ollege tennis club team.

- This also happened to also be my first, albeit intimidating,
- exposure in a position of leadershipas a leader .

- The next yearA s a sophomore,
- That year, like the year before,(this is definitely unnecessary as we have established the time frame already )
- What I will remember most, however,( however - denotes contrast and in this sentence you don't need it )
- such as myself, felt includedfeel welcomed and part of the team.

- That year, I further discovered first hand myself( you already said "I" so "myself " will be redundant ) that being
- a leader of a group, grants you the privilege to ensure everyone's happiness.

- Playing tennis in college wonderfullyabsolutely opened its welcoming arms once again,
- as I get to enjoy playing a sport that I love with others who share mythe same feeling.

There you have it Nathan, I hope I was able to help.


Home / Undergraduate / One of the communities to which I belong is the community of tennis players both.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳