Please help with grammar and critique any comprehension problems as well. It's been a while since I've written these sorts of essays. Thank you so much!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I was a characteristic All-American teenager. I thrilled in the fact that I knew the lyrics to all of Taylor Swift's songs and was captain of the junior varsity cheerleading squad. My biggest woe being the difficulties of Pre-Calculus, this sun-kissed, fifteen-year old version of me had little to no complaints. Yet, being the typical teenager I was, I considered that contentment mundane. Armed with that belief, I found myself applying to a boarding school in my parent's home country of South Korea. In all honesty, I had wanted simply wanted a change of scene, but I am lucky to have gotten that and so much more during these past two years.
Understandably, it all changed for me on the first day of school. That was the day I found out I knew nothing about being a Korean teenager. The popular music, celebrities, and colloquial language of South Korea were all lost on me, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise - yet it did - when the greatest obstacle I faced at my new school ending up not being academic hardships like I had assumed but instead a cultural barrier with my peers. It was not the fifty-minute class periods that stressed me out the most, but instead the ten-minute breaks in between classes where I struggled to not be left behind. Thankfully, this confused, sixteen-year old version of me learned a big something about perseverance, wiped the tears away and started slowly learning from her more-than-willing to help friends.
Fast-forward nearly two years later and I can say with the utmost honesty; I am not a characteristic All-American teenager. Granted, I still know all the words to Taylor Swift's songs, but due to my continuous off-tune singing, many of my friends now know them as well. Pre-Calculus will never be my favorite subject, but through all the ups and downs that have come as side effects of my decision to move to Korea, as I near the end, I wholeheartedly believe it was the single greatest decision I could have ever made during my high school career. The whole experience has shown me that there is more out there for me and opened up my eyes to a heritage and culture that I never realized was a part of who I am. Now as the two-year mark grows near, I sit in my room once again writing applications during the holiday season. Though it seems as if I have come full-circle, I am satisfied in knowing that the mere two years I have spent in Korea have changed the way I want to live for the next sixty. Now as a chapter of my life closes, all this hopeful, seventeen-year old version of me needs is a campus of higher education to show her how much more she has left to grow.
-hopeful11
I'd say it's a really well written essay. In terms or grammar and sentence structure, I think you're pretty much golden.
The topic is also pretty good, but somewhat generic. "I went to a foreign country and grew as a person" is a pretty common topic. Figure out a way to make yours stand out: you should maybe include a specific moment in South Korea that helped you grow, or an event, or anything specific. Talk about how it was unique for YOU; maybe talk about how it changed your view on your heritage, or something like that. Those are all just suggestions. It's a well written essay, which is a good foundation, but it needs some "umph" to make it just a little more unique.
