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'just one of my many fieldworks' - CommonApp -Diversity

lch920619x 5 / 19  
Dec 19, 2011   #1
Hi there,
This is my CommonApp Supplement Essay. I chose the diversity topic. Please feel free to give advice. And do expect many grammar errors as I am not a native speaker.

Many thanks!

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

I still remembered clearly that it was in the afternoon of a raining Sunday, when most people stayed at home and enjoyed watching TV or reading books; in the Asia's largest open pit mine, where hardly anyone except the workers could enter; and not far away from the mechanical diggers and trucks mining with loud noise, I was carefully searching for something in the coal seams. Suddenly I noticed my target with a small reflection of yellow light among the black coal. The discovery made me ecstatic. I carefully extracted it from the surrounding coal and kept it in my pocket. After a whole afternoon of excavation, I acquired a few pieces of treasures from the ancient age: amber.

It was just one of my many fieldworks. My city, Fushun, is the only place in China that has amber with insect inclusions. Amber has long been an icon of it. My exposure to amber started when I was 11. A passage in my primary school text book about amber aroused my curiosity. My mother, who has great sagacity in my initiation and education, then bought me my first piece of amber with a midget inclusion in it. The perfectly preserved insect was so real and lively that I could hear it telling me its story from the distant past. From then on, I fell in love with amber collection.

Amber is distributed all over the world, and it's appreciated in most cultures. So I managed to have discussion and make friends with collectors and researchers worldwide, who have different culture backgrounds. Apart from amber, they give me exposure to the culture of Northern Europe, America, South-East Asia, Caribbean Sea, and etc. You can imagine how pleased I was when I received a traditional brooch from my Lithuanian friend as a birthday gift. Besides, during my excavations, I became acquainted with the miners who worked in the mines. Communicating with them helped me to have a deeper insight into their life. Furthermore, with years of experience on photography, I apply macro photography to amber to produce nice photos of the inclusions. Amber serves as an amazing linkage that brings vast diversity into my life.

I enjoy sharing my amber collections with my peers. Although sometimes I feel lonely because none of them has the same interest as I do, I am always willing to introduce this amazing creation of nature to them. Most of them know little about amber, but when they see my collections in real, they cannot resist such beauty. I would then share with them the wonderful tales of amber and the science behind it in order to let them feel the magic of amber and appreciate the wonder inside. And occasionally, I give away tiny pieces of amber with insect inclusions to my friends. Encouragingly, many of them are fascinated by amber and visit my place occasionally to have a look at my collections.

To me, amber is a substance of magic. In a piece of amber, I can see an ancient mantis starring at its prey; I can see a hymenaea flower blooming; I can find a spider resting on its web, for thirty millions years they have remained. But more than that, in the small time capsule, I see a world of wonder. I want to share the diversity I have mined from amber with my college community and contribute my unique color to its spectrum, for a more fascinating rainbow.
Eumi 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2011   #2
To me, amber is a substance of magic. Even in a small piece I can see an ancient mantis starring at its prey
kjhoratio 1 / 2  
Dec 19, 2011   #3
Hi Chong Liu,

I think it's an engaging and well-written essay. However, I'm not sure if it answers the prompt:-

"Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you."

which asks for an EXPERIENCE or ENCOUNTER which demonstrates diversity. What you've written is more of a process, than an experience.

I think you can keep the main crux of an essay. But pick one specific aspect of amber which you'd like to explore, and explore it well.

Good luck!

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