I wrote the common app essay on a topic of my choice.
Do I buy the guitar or do I save my money? As I stood in the music store and stared at the wall of over 50 guitars this thought was racing through my mind. In my pocket was $200, most of which I had made by working with my dad and by working at the local sports complex during baseball tournaments. I knew that I wanted to try and learn to play guitar but I didn't know the first thing about it and at the time I didn't have the money to pay for lessons. I spent at least 25 minutes looking up and down the wall of guitars contemplating whether I should save the money that I had worked so hard for over the summer or buy a guitar that I might not enjoy playing as much as I thought. That's when I saw it. In the middle of the room was a white Ibanez guitar and a small 15-watt amplifier. The guitar was a cheap copy of the Fender Stratocaster, which is one of my favorite guitars. It was the perfect guitar at the perfect price of $185. The second that I saw that guitar I completely forgot about all of the hard work I had put in over the summer to earn the money that was in my pocket, all I could think about was how amazing that guitar would sound after I plugged it in and how it would feel to hear some of my favorite songs, and eventually my own songs, coming out of the small amplifier. So I risked my hard earned money and I bought the guitar, and as soon as I got home I plugged it into my bedroom wall and spent 2 hours playing it. I had no idea what I was doing and the sounds coming out of the amplifier were almost unbearable, but I knew as soon as I plugged it in that I would continue to play for the rest of my life.
As of today, I have been playing guitar for three years. During my short three year career there have been plenty of times when I felt like I should just give up and not continue playing. Despite the criticism from my friends and my own occasional doubts about my abilities, and the numerous problems and struggles I have faced, I have continued to play. I never had the money to pay for guitar lessons when I started so I have had to teach myself to play guitar. I had to teach myself not only to play, but to also tune a guitar, change broken strings, clean the strings, and read music. It was a bit of a struggle in the beginning but I have been able to get past the frustration of learning something new and have learned something that I can continue to do for my entire life.
Spending those $200 dollars for a guitar is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Although it took a lot of patience and determination to get to the level that I'm at now, it was well worth it. The fact that I was able to teach myself to play an instrument has shown me that if I really want something I can get it as long as I don't give up and I continue to try even when I feel that I can't go any further. I have even seen the effects of my guitar playing in other areas of my life such as school work and running. When I feel that the school work is too hard or that I can't run any longer I push through it anyway because I know that if I want the higher grades and the better times, I have to really want it. Had I saved that $200, I might not be where I am now academically, athletically and musically. As a musician I have become much better and more proficient but as a person I have become much more patient, determined, and creative.
Short Answer: Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.
My breathing is heavy and labored, my legs are burning from exhaustion, dirt is being kicked up in my face by the person in front of me and I keep telling myself that after I get to the top of this hill, it's all downhill from here. This is how my four years on the cross country team were spent. Whether it was a hard workout or an invitational with 400 kids on the starting line, I had to give 100% every day in order to keep up with my teammates and my opponents. Every race I ran was not just about beating the guy next to me but also about beating my own times and becoming a better runner.
Very good, Very engaging.
Only real problem I saw was the lack of commas in appropriate places. Look over the first paragraph of the essay again to try and fix that.
Its usually good to write out numbers in academic writing. So, Two-Hundred dollars instead of $200
I really loved the short answer. As a Cross Country runner I really think you described it very well.
very nice, for the shory response, the language is a little dense, you can even describe a little more in detail perhaps.
Do I buy the guitar, or do I save my money?
I think this sentence does not carry any new meaning, so it is just dead weight weighing down the essay: I spent at least 25 minutes looking up and down the wall of guitars contemplating whether I should save the money that I had worked so hard for over the summer or buy a guitar that I might not enjoy playing as much as I thought. That's when I saw it. In the middle
After looking at this for a long time, I think I know what I want to suggest: You do not need to explain so much about the difficulty of the decision... in a single sentence you could express the idea that you had a struggle to decide whether to invest in a guitar... it does not require a whole paragraph. And that way you will have more room to talk about the great concept you introduced... how the decision to take a risk can be so meaningful and consequential...
But what does that have to do with your college education? Can you make a connection?
