Hi guys, Could you please give me some advice and feedback on my UC essay? Thank you in advance~~
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In the era I live, everyone is pursuing his success with hurried footsteps. We hear all the time that we need to move faster every day to gain and maintain competitive advantages, to avoid being left behind. Indeed, in such a world filled with fierce competitions, speed is considered as one of the key points towards success, for opportunities don't wait for anyone. However, the old saying "haste makes waste" has not been out of date, and I see from my world that sometimes we move too fast, we become impetuous and may risk making more mistakes.
Last year, the rear-end accident of two bullet trains in the eastern city of Wenzhou, to illustrate, was indeed a tragedy. These two high-speed trains were once the representatives of the coming of China's high-speed rail era and we were so proud to speak out that the fastest speed was here, in China. However, the malfunction of track circuit caused by a lightening strike and the failure of rail wireless telecom equipment when unexpected faults happened, made us speechless. Forty people died and nearly two hundred injured. And recently, the approach bridge of the longest river-crossing bridge in northern part of Yangtze River collapsed in the early morning, taking away lives of three persons in a sudden. It is unbelievable to all that the bridge was a newly constructed one, just completed one year ago within only 18 months. Greedy pursuit of speed but regardless of quality eventually left us into endless mourning.
Sorrowful as I was seeing these pieces of news, I felt pathetic. We are fortunate that we are not the victims of these grieving accidents, but most of us are the victims of impetuous mood. We see students cheat on the examinations rather than study hard; we see professors have been getting caught up in scandals of plagiarism rather than deeply probe into the research he conducted; we see businessmen tempted to cut corners in order to maximize their profits; People want to reach the destination of success over a night without making any effort; therefore, they tend to choose those s0-called shortcuts. Nevertheless, they will never land in the land of success in such ways. And it is also often to see people begin doing something in his fullest heart but when initial enthusiasm gradually fades, he gives up in half-way. It reminds me of the boy I used to know. He played guitar with me at the very beginning. After one year of learning, he quitted because of the baldness. I want to be successful too, but I will not be one of them. I'm not a genius, nor gifted with an extraordinary retentive memory or abilities. But I have my clear target and I know Rome was not built in a day. Those boring times I spent practicing guitar again and again, those fresh mornings I listened to VOA and improved my oral English, those silent evenings I stayed up late to prepare TOFEL and SAT tests, witness my progressions towards my little success: Eventually, I had my own band, won English speaking contests and got decent scores in exams.
On the path to success, speed is essential, for only by moving quickly can we stay ahead of others. But the more important thing I think is the spirit of down-to-earth, a solid foundation laid step by step, which is precisely those successful persons have. As long as our destination is determined, then don't lollygag, speed to direction with speed and solid steps as we move forwards. I only have one life to live; I want to see where I can get finally by trying my every best steadily.
In these fast paced times,era I live, everyone is pursuing his success within such a hurry.footsteps
However, the old saying "haste makes waste" has not been out of datestill applies.and I see from my worldIt is obvious that sometimes we move too fast, we become impetuous, and may risk making more mistakes.
(I think you need an introductory sentence for this paragraph, lead into it by saying speed can be dangerous) Or, modify this sentence: Last year, the rear-end accident of two bullet trains in the eastern city of Wenzhou, to illustrate, was indeed a tragedy.
You could say it like this, and it would sounnd fine to begin the paragraph:
"Speed can be tragic, like when two bullet trains collided last year in the eastern city of Wenzhou."
Hi Jenny,
I really appreciate your help!!
By the way, do you think my topic is OK? cause i saw many storytelling essays. i am not sure whether i wondered off the point.
